My Formative Years

Shining through

2012-02-09T15:11:00.003-05:00

Once thought indestructible
it fell
fractured on every landing
my heart struggling to breath
as if pulled from the sea
stranded
abandoned on the rocks

that smile you see
that's your love shining
through my broken heart
slowing leaving me
going back to where you want it to be

I covered my eyes
to hide from the nnonday sun
peering through the curtain
I cover my head
but it just makes
the image of your face even clearer
the damp cold of my pillow
tears stream down my face
who's that in my mirror

The tears you see
that the love leaving you
pull it together
you desearve better
you owe it to us
now patiently
get back on your feet

Pick up the pieces
put everything back
pull back the curtains
smile for your own sake
climb back to your old self
hold your heart above you head
let the light shine through
project it onto the world
it will touch everyone
through loving yourself

Past Tense

2012-02-08T16:25:00.003-05:00

Uneasy situations have left me past tense
departed before I started
past and future
a has been
Misunderstood
a loner
and I feel that no one likes me
its just there's no one like me
Confused, linked to my consciousness
I called myself profit
yet a thief of sorts
who's sport was to acquire beautiful things
yet they sit on my shelf like marionettes
and I don't want to pull the strings
I am jack of all trades
a master of one
making myself invisible.
Making and uneasy situation bearable
and others can't stand it
so I to accommodate them
and I am inclined to change my angle
approach them slowly
yet I place the barrier between us
unseen yet felt.
I invite a few in, who stay in forever
visitors will get the tour
then they are escorted out.
On to the front lawn they go
wearing elaborate masks,
asked to turn their backs
and just listen to the show.

Lent

2012-02-08T16:10:00.003-05:00

I'm giving up on you
I'm giving up on calling
on saying extra special things
I'm giving up thoughts of us and wondering
I'm giving up on asking "why don't we talk during the day"
I'm giving up on doing things your way

I'm giving up on listening for you
I'm giving up on hearing your words
I'm giving up on giving you time
I'm giving up your space in my mind
I'm giving up on asking why

I'm giving your hair
I'm giving up your touch
I'm giving up on giving more
because giving up is giving too much

I'm giving up on being open
I'm giving up letting you in
I'm giving on future plans
and my ridiculous demands
I'm giving up the past
and the time spent
I'm giving up all that I borrowed
I'm giving up all that you
Lent

Thoughts of the day

2012-02-08T15:59:00.002-05:00

The Train

Sitting comfortably on the train, finally settling into my space.
A seat is next to me, but there wont be crowding for a few stops.
A family boards the train, pushing a dual seat stroller.
The husband sits next to me, the wife, pushing the heavy stroller, make her way to him and attempts to wedge the stroller into the aisle. I see that she is having some difficulty
so give up my seat so they can be together.
The man who is already seated, makes no attempt to slide over for her. She wedges the stroller in between the poles of the train and seats herself next to him. He opens his paper and begins to read. The child in front is playing with the mother. The child in back drops his toy. Neither parent notices that the rear child is reaching for his toy, and sliding himself closer and closer to the wheel of the stroller. It would be very easy for him to pinch his fingers.
I pick up his toy and hand it to him. The boy just stares at me. I look at the parents. They don't even seem to notice that I've gotten that close to their son. A few stations later, then leave the train, he heads off first while she struggles with the stroller past a few other departing passengers.
Now mind you, I don't do things for a thank you, but I just wondered how oblivious to the world around them this couple was. They were so self centered. They didn't know about my trying to help them be together, at least in proximity. They didn't notice I helped their son. They didn't notice that they go through life, living yet not knowing the help they receive. Are we ll that way?
Again, I don't do things to elicit a Thank You response. I do them because I believe its the right thing to do.
So to the oblivious family, you're welcome.

Deep Blue C

2012-02-07T15:36:00.002-05:00

Can I remind you
that I want
to be closer than your skin
let me in
Towards you
where do you end
where do I begin

you are more than the sum of your parts
you fill what space is left in my heart
frozen solid
seeing your silhouette behind steam and glass
I forgot to breath
and out I passed

Your body's saying something
maybe baby it's a figure of speech
but I
know I'm not the first to fly
that's ridiculous
I'm just Icarus
get to close to warmth
and I'm bound to fall
earthbound
Sinking no sound
into your deep blue c

I can build words
and something built you
with some blueprint dug from the deepest crates
I rest and wait
for your form to come together
the birth of your frame
it flows like rain
into your deep blue

I can't help you

2012-02-07T11:14:00.003-05:00

My words for your well being
were taken as hate
taken as jealousy
taken for granted
You again have to learn if you're right
be it the hard or soft way
to you benefit or demise
you have to figure that out for yourself , by yourself
because I can't help you

When I say that I love you
it's not because you've done something for me
it's because I want to give something to you
My time is precious
yet you feel that it is for free
old misunderstandings
are the foundation of our discussions
I can't help that we had a rough start
and I can't help you

I've been the one to give over and over
until you began stealing what I chose not to give
now I find my cabinets empty
my wares gone
my stash violated
my home desecrated
and those that don't wish me the very best
sit in my chair
wondering why I am there
If your ship full of ideas and false friends sinks,
I won't get wet and I can't help you

There is always a side
and from what I was taught
I though we wore the same colors
flew the same banner
but you can be judged by your actions
You can call it what you want
you can justify your actions
I don't love you less
I just have no time to be betrayed
I feel that you want things between us to be better
but I can't help how they are, and I can't help you

Your love is unconditional,
but love without truth is sometimes warped
and will mislead those that you love
to a path that ends abruptly
What you call support I call supporting denial
Some people need to know the truth
especially when it comes from someone they respect
and their love ultimately ends and begins with you
Only you can tell them
and I can't help you

You sit with ideas brewing
with dreams swirling in your mind
with desires and goals passing you
with many directions to go
yet you sit still
your dreams are just that
if you'd like them to become a reality
you have to act
and I can't help you.

Pro-Life

2012-02-03T11:13:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had a moment in which you wished you had a camera with you because you couldn't believe it was happening?

Well I had one of those moments two weeks ago.
A group of teen-aged students were walking through Chinatown with a yellow sweatshirts with "Death Roe Survivor" stamped on the back. No doubt that these pro-life teens are in the right demonstrating their ideals and beliefs, but there must be some adults behind the scenes shepherding the youth.
Well on of the teens was walking down the street carrying a sign that read Pro-Life. As she was on her march, she literally stepped over a homeless man that was asking for change.

Ok, if you didn't grab the image mentally, here it is again.

A young girl, toting a Pro-Life sign, stepping over an old man, asking for help.

As I see it young girl, that was your chance to be pro-life.
She's probably not pro-help the life that is already here that can verbalize their needs.
She's more of the Pro-Follow someone else's ideals, because she clearly wasn't born in the 70's, and she probably doesn't have children as her christian values and faith ring would be a constant reminder not to spend time with boys until she is married.
I did see a parent ushering the children through streets to make their stand.
I get the old pied piper feeling coming. Something disastrous looming on the horizon.
My question is: How do you take a stand on a subject when you have no idea or insight from the other side of the argument. I would hate for the young girl to meet a young boy, things to happen and then she is stoned in public. Wait, that doesn't happen in modern times.

I hope her older sister doesn't get pregnant because she could possibly catch it...says new study.
Now the Komen foundation shows it's true colors. The Pink Jesus Fish

How can people who claim to be Christian be Pro-So many things that destroy the world.

What happened to Love Thy Neighbor as thyself.
I am Pro-Life, but not the kind that totes the sign.
I am pro-the life that is here now. Whether they have to make a hard choice to keep living.
Whether they are in need ask for assistance.
When they are misled, I try to direct them, without shunning them for where they want to end up.
For the other type of Pro-Lifers, you can be a follower, but just know that you are headed for a cliff when God let's you know what he thinks of your reinterpreting his rules.

Feel free to change my mind with discussion. But I'd sooner find a White Christian Man who believes that God is a Black Woman.
Oh, and God is, just letting you know.

In This Lifetime

2012-01-25T10:17:00.002-05:00

After a furniture assembly filled weekend, getting my son's room together in time for the grand unveiling, I finally picked up his twin mattress. That's right, he moves from his tiny crib/daybed to a big boy twin bed. It's bittersweet. He continues to make his way to my bed, claiming "bad dreams" where someone is attacked by some monster or dinosaur. Funny how he only likes movies with monsters or dinosaurs.
I love him.

Well, while I was at the mattress store, there was a young woman browsing and trying out a few beds. I knew I recognized her from somewhere, but couldn't quite place it. I asked her if we'd met and she instantly got this look on her face as if it was a pickup line.
I assured her that I did know her from somewhere and she proceeded to run down a list of places. None of them rang a bell. She then said, "well maybe it was from some other lifetime."
I laughed and just left. Well it hit me this morning that she is one of the parents from my son's daycare who's son was sort of a problem.
But it got me thinking about this lifetime.

I would have to say that if there were any lessons learned from my previous lifetime, I've surely forgotten them all. Well, possibly except be nice.
In this life I can't help who I like and why I like them. I just do.
I can't help what I think, but i can control what I say.
I am not responsible for the reactions of anyone else, however I may contribute to pushing people over the edge.
If there is another lifetime, I hope I avoid certain people, while others I will brand my soul and we can compare stories of past lives.
Maybe in the next life I will live out a branch from this lifetime.
Maybe I did end up in California, or in the peace corps.
Maybe I did get hit by that train.
Perhaps I married the wrong girl sooner than later.
Or maybe I decided that love can conquer all and stayed married the first time.
Maybe I spoke up when it mattered
or maybe I decided to take my life at my lowest point.
Maybe I tried harder to be on time and took my music seriously.
Maybe I chose my brother instead of my friends.
Maybe I did get that wrap around porch and live simply.
Maybe Isaac wouldn't be here.
I don't know if I would do anything differently in any other possible worlds.
This lifetime is good.
This is where I am supposed to be.
It's not perfect, but neither were or would be any other lives.
I do know that next time I am in a mattress store, I won't waste time talking to the woman who thinks I am trying to pick her up.

My Choice

2012-01-25T09:33:00.004-05:00

Throughout life we have moments in which we are confronted with a choice that will change not only ourselves but may impact the world around us.
Unknowingly, we make a decisions everyday that impact us greatly.
One of these choices are the foods we eat.

Many people ask me, "So, when did you become vegetarian?"
They inform me that I wasn't born a vegetarian and some say I can't claim to be a true vegetarian because I am not in full control of what is put in my food.
They are completely right. I am not a vegetarian. I am me.
I decided to cut out the meat in my diet for a simple reason & my diet wasn't the root of the decision. I am sure anyone with a brain can find more than enough evidence to support the benefits of a plant based diet.
Here's my simple reason:
Too many companies profit off the misery of others.
I no longer wish to finance those companies.

I've seen the video's of the baby chicks being sorted. Live females kept while live males are thrown into a meat grinder.
I've seen the videos of pigs being bashed in the head with iron pipes.
I've seen the videos of cows with snot dangling from their noses having hooks placed in their bodies.
You'd think it was a horror movie and we were some race hell bent on their destruction.
Well I am that alien that would give them an escape pod or set them free.
The thing is, there is no setting free for them.
They are here and outgunned.
"The needs of humans come first."
Well, what if those that profit from the killing of animals don't care about you either.
Google map coordinates:32.751412,-96.788113
You'll see some illegal dumping of blood into local water.
So whatever diseases the dead animals have, the local residents would have as well.
How's that for putting the needs of humans first?
The truth is, most of us don't care what we eat, as long as we don't know what it is.
Some of us are happy in our ignorance, and would like to stay that way.
"It's not illegal so it's fine by me."
Slavery was legal at one time.
"It tastes too good."
What if all meat if seasoned well tasted good. We'd save money eating our own dead.
Oh, now morality comes to mind? It's OK to kill something as long as we are not emotionally attached to it?
Well, what about the neighbors pet?
"If God didn't want us to eat it, he wouldn't make it taste so good."
Most people don't know what God says about animals. The majority of people that eat meat, don't have to kill it themselves. I am sure once you have to kill your own animal, you get a better sense of what/how/and who God is.
I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be food for you. And to the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground--everything that has the breath of life in it--I give every green plant for food. And it was so" (Genesis 1:29-30)
"I'll die if I give up meat."
You are 100% correct. You will eventually die no matter what you do.
"I've never liked vegetables."
I've never had a reply for that comment because talking to adults is what I like to do.

I'll stick to my saying when it comes to the corporate slaughterhouse that pushes the sale of decaying rotting flesh.
"I've never eaten pigs, but now I don't feed them either"

Cliche

2012-01-12T14:59:00.002-05:00

Period bloint blank at the end of the day

it is what it is and it happens that way

So make it do what it do and call it what you may

you're just another cliche

The New Slavery

2012-01-05T10:42:00.003-05:00

Trapped beneath you skin
Created the situation you're in
Comfortable in wanting more
Trained in doing less

Tricked in to being first
Fooled in to hustling to the end
Convinced that you can't commit
Subscribed to being the best

You can't find a happy medium
because your the new kind of slave
giving into your own guilt
but the bars of your cage
are the ones that you built

You are the one who doesn't want to change
You are the one who says you're too old
No one fed you the poison
No one put it in your hand

Don't wade in the water
Don't cry and sing shallow songs
You've put on those shackles
and held the keys all along.

You're that new kind of slave
who volunteered to be defined
the new kind of slave
letting others make up your mind

Live your life for you
because you're running out of time
unless you like being a slave
if so, just go wait in line

You'll have lots of company
and you'll have sad stories to share
about your failing health and dead dreams
failure is easier than it seems
for that new kind of slave.

Cheese

2011-12-30T13:41:00.003-05:00

Cheese.
It is the substance that catapults good into great.
The springboard from the mundane to the extraordinary.
I have a very hard time letting go of it from my diet because it makes everything better.

Now if you notice, I didn't say it makes everything taste better. It makes everything just better.
Think pizza without cheese. It's just bread and boring tomato sauce. Think of grits. Now think of grits and cheese. Think of pretzels and cheese. Where there is bread...there must be cheese.
Think of the love of your life. Now imagine them covered in cheese.

Women, they desire chocolate.
Men...we want cheese.
You want piece between the sexes. Make some chocolate covered cheese.
When a photographer wants to take a great photo, they tell you to say cheese.

Mind you, I am a vegetarian bordering on vegan-ism. The only barrier that prevents me from going all the way is a slice cheese.
I have dibs on the term Cheese Barrier or any variations thereof (Cheese Force Field, etc..)
I think eating cheese and not eating a cow is a fair trade. I mean, I am an advocate of eating a plant based diet. But why can't we call it plant based...Plus Cheese. Broccoli gets lonely sometimes.
I'd like to think that if cows could, they'd walk to my door, drop off some cheese and say
"thanks for not eating me. Here is some cheese. I made it myself."
I'd take that.
Pay what you owe cow. Gimme that sour milk from your udders and leave me with my nachos.

Quotes from my life

2011-12-19T14:04:00.002-05:00

Here are a few things quotes from my lifetime.
Some funny, some not so.

"If you help someone bury a body, be prepared to bury two"

"Everything changes, even those that resist, for they are finding new ways, to stay the same"

"A bird in hand beats two in the bush, but your hand in the bush is better than beating your bird"

"There's no thin line between love and hate. The line is miles wide, but we forget which way we are traveling"

"Love is light and music. Some of us are deaf and blind"

"To work your entire life preparing to die is like holding your breath waiting to drown"

"The secret to my success is proclaiming that I have failed"

"God understands my point of view even before I do"

"Some people are so stupid that they make you doubt your intelligence"

"A follower never sees the face of a leader"

"You can be right and wrong at the same time. It's called being human"

"People show their truest face in the heat of anger"

"I can't help who I am, but I can change how I act"

"Heaven is here if you look for it"

From Aaron Millers album entitled:Unentitled

2011-11-23T13:20:00.003-05:00

You got me good
Music & Lyrics:
Aaron Miller
Acoustic Guitar:
Aaron Miller
We met, the way that
fairy tale lovers do
We parted ways, like
people who barely knew
one another, yet you
ask me now
how we slipped away,
I'll tell you how
Was it so long?
Well here's your
song.

Remember that time
that I called your phone
I got the machine I
assumed you weren't home
Down from the street
I called
Up 12 flights, then
down the hall
Placed a gift on the
floor
then you opened the
door

You got me good
the jokes on me I can
tell by your expression
You got me good
The jokes on me no
need for a confession
I'll just take my
thing and go
and what are you
crying for
You got me good
You sure got me good

The days have gone by
sometimes hours felt
like years
I kept on going
knowing
that we’d somehow end
up here
I recall on occasion you
saying that you still care
That’s only when you
needed something
Or needed to get
somewhere

It's so funny how you
pretended to be in love so deep
Hilarious to defend
your actions when you’ve never once lost sleep
Well, I moved on, my
life is better, I guess he moved on too
When he understood
that you’d get him
good

You got me good because
I really loved you
You got me good, yet sometimes
I wondered what you've been up to
If we can start our
love over and make the things the way they should
If you know what I'm
saying
Sorry, I'm just
playing
I got you good.

Back to me

2011-11-16T11:06:00.002-05:00

I've decided to get back to writing. Everything else seems so temporary. The people, the places, the jobs. They've all faded. It's funny how I used to tell myself that all I wanted to be was left alone. They say you have to watch out what you wish for, but there is something to be said about the silence. I can finally hear myself think. I had an opportunity to sit at my keyboard and play a bit. Fortunately I was the only one who heard what i was playing because I didn't need the distraction of trying to play something fancy. I didn't have to explain that I was a little rusty and through the slight mistakes I heard something new. A bit off key, but new none the less.

I was on my way to work this morning thinking about the past. The choices that I have made and how most of them in retrospect were mistakes. If I'd only been honest about what I wanted instead of trying to make other people happy, I'd be in a different place. I thought about Toronto and how being free sometimes meant traveling. I thought about Boston and how the search for freedom means knowing what you want and making no excuses. I thought about Columbia and that love has to be earned. I thought about Philadelphia and that loved ones can be the only ones who can hurt you. I thought about Washington and that sometimes real love comes from out of the blue and make everything before today pointless.

My life is full of regrets. But I accept them. I don't wish to change them because they are what lead me to this part of my life. They are like sand, slipping into my tomb, encasing me in my decision to be alone. I'll accept that and sleep quietly, knowing that no one will mourn or try to exhume what was left of what we had.

It's good getting back to me.

Finding the one vs Being the One

2011-10-21T10:44:00.001-04:00

In a relationship, it's not about finding that right person.
It's about being the right person. If you are looking for someone who can cook,
you have to ask yourself if you can cook. If you want someone who keeps a clean
house, you must ask yourself how often you clean. If you are seeking someone
who is spiritually sound, you must look at your actions and see if they reach
your spiritual measure. Do not try to change others into someone you have
no desire to be. If you rely on someone to be all that you are not, then you
are simply a user. Be with someone who you don't need, yet you want.

To my distant star

2011-08-25T11:39:00.004-04:00

You shone like a distant star.

There for a while then gone.

I didn't need to see you to feel you.

I didn't need to feel you to love you.

Your presence was felt as dew on a tired brow

and the need to bake sweets.

You were sweet.

You slept, not knowing who you were

or where you were meant to go.

I think you will return when the time is right.

Your soul sits on a shelf to be placed within a shell.

That's all we are...is a shell.

We didn't lose you and you didn't leave us.

We lost the possible form that you would embody.

When you do decide to be with us, we shall love you.

A part of you will always be with God as he whispers in your ear the reasons

why we were not to have you as of yet.

I'll be patient. I will build the love I have for you and place it in your hands

like a gentle butterfly.

Your world was peaceful, and quiet.

Your world was warm and secure.

This world that I live in is troubled, yet beautiful.

It is cold, yet we shall surround you with all we have to give.

From this moment on, I know that I will see you.

It wasn't you that was not ready, it was me, as I didn't prepare my heart with enough room for you. You will fill it up and it will overflow with the love I have for you and your family.

I want to let you know that I am building more rooms in my heart for you and all you bring.

You've shined a light on me, like a distant star that can only be seen if you truly look for it in the

darkest of night.

When it is your time to come back...I'll be here and I will tell you the story of us, before we were an us.

I love you.

Daddy

Focusing on the positives

2011-08-24T20:24:00.005-04:00

This day was difficult on so many levels.
It started off like any other day after an earthquake hit. You feel lucky to be alive. You look at the relationships you have with people in a different light. You don't take so many things for granted.
Today was the scheduled appointment to hear my babies heartbeat for the first time. I missed out on hearing Isaac's the first time so I was committed to being there, despite my original concerns that I was starting a new job. I told myself that some things are way more important, and I meant that.
So once we got into the room, the doctor placed the listening device on Madeline's abdomen. We waited to hear something and our smiles of anticipation became frowns of worry. We asked the doctor what could it mean. She told us that it could be that the baby is in a weird spot, or that we aren't as far along as we though, or the worst case scenario being that the baby is gone. I tried my hardest to think positive. It is behind something or maybe we miscalculated.
Madeline is good about not miscalculating anything.
We were sent to get a sonogram and to have a stranger start a sentence off with "I'm Sorry" just hit hard. It made things worse to see the tiny skull and body. It looked as if it was asleep in a little room, lying against a wall.
I kept things together for the most part until I found myself not being able to breath on the drive home. It didn't help that I was driving and needed to pull over.
To wait so long on something that you wanted so much, then to just have it gone broke my heart.
There are the positives though. I am glad that Madeline is safe and didn't miscarry down the line. I am glad that nature knows when something is wrong and halts the process. I'm glad that we have Isaac. Things happened, and we will move past it. I think we are going to release some balloons this weekend to commemorate the life that could have been. I just can't do nothing. I grew to love the baby in the early stages.

Help me to understand

2011-08-24T20:17:00.002-04:00

Ring Ring
Hello Aaron
Hey Dad
How are you doing?
Not so good?
What do you mean not so good?
Well I have some bad news. We lost the baby?
Oh yeah. I am sorry to hear that. You know Nina had a baby.
Yeah Dad. I know.
Well You are in my prayers. Tell Madeline she is in my prayers also.
So, how are you?
Well, I am working on a project.
Oh ok. Well I know you are busy.
Yeah. Take care son and I'll keep you in my prayers.
Ok. Bye Dad.
Disconnect.

I really don't get it.

Things on the Horizon

2011-06-01T11:04:00.002-04:00

I sometimes take time out to reflect on future somber moments. It makes me really appreciate now.

One day I will have watch my son leave for college.
One day I will have to hold my wife as she cries.
One day I will have to say goodbye to my brother.
One day I will have to burry my mom, or keep her on her feet if her husband dies.
One day I will have to come to terms with my father and explain how I really feel about our lives.
One day I will have to explain to my son where our cat has gone.
One day I will have to brace for harder times to come.
One day I will have to decide where my stepmother fits in.
One day I will have to wake up without the one I love beside me.
One day I will wish I went first.

Life is painful, but luckily that pain is spread throughout time.
I don't know if I could do it all at once.
But I know one day, I will have to.
It makes me want to end it now, but instead I will cherish it all today.
I will hold people I love closer, and laugh with those I won't see after this stage.
We will all vanish one day, and will not be remembered by someone.
We all know who we forgot and fail to mention on the daily basis.
That is why ghosts are real.
I will be a ghost and it is better to be alive....right now.

Brittish Soul

2011-02-09T10:08:00.003-05:00

I've been searching for a few new tunes and I find myself being drawn back into the coffee house blues sung by Brittish women.

A few favorites:
Duffy
Adele
Amy Winehouse
Corinne Bailey Rae
Marsha Ambrosius

Currently I am drawn in by the Adele's Melt My Heart to Stone.
Here are some of the lyrics.
I hope they make as much sense to you as they do to me.

Right under my feet is air made of bricks
That pulls me down turns me weak for you
I find myself repeating like a broken tune
And I’m forever excusing your intentions
And I give in to my pretendings
Which forgive you each time
Without me knowing
They melt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up
You say my name like there could be an us
I best tidy up my head
I’m the only one in love
I’m the only one in love

Each and every time
I turn around to leave
I feel my heart begin to burst and bleed
So desperately I try to link it with my head
But instead I fall back to my knees
As you tear your way right through me
I forgive you once again
Without me knowing
You’ve burnt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up
You say my name like there could be an us
I best tidy up my head
I’m the only one in love
I’m the only one in love

Why do you steal my hand
Whenever I’m standing my own ground
You build me up, then leave me dead
Well I hear your words you made up
I say your name like there should be an us
I best tidy up my head
I’m the only one in love
I’m the only one in love.

Lesson Learned #276

2011-02-08T10:33:00.002-05:00

Laser Hair Removal doesn't work for everyone.

Being a black man comes with certain issues. First, most of the products that are marketed are not for me. I can't use a flobee, unless they make a frobee. I can't use the average Joe’s soap or shaving products. I used a razor once and wow, let me tell you get what you pay for in the razor department. My shaving experience should have gone something like this.

"Ok, let’s lather up that face. Alright, grabbing the razor, going with the grain. (Splashing water on face) Ooh, close and comfortable. Lets splash on some aftershave. Oooh, the cooling feeling. This looks good!"

Instead, it went this way.
"Ok, lets lather up the face. Whoah...too much lather. Lets not get it in my eyes because this stuff is all over the place and it smells like hospital bathroom cleaner. Alright. Lets grab this razor. I got lucky with these. A 20 pack of razors for a dollar is a deal! Alright, going with the grain. (sucking in air through teeth fighting back the uncomfortable feeling of slicing open my neck) Wow, I didn't think I could bleed this much. I'll press on until all this side is done.....JESUS this hurts! (Watching globs of shaving cream filled with blood and hair specks fall into the sink)
Ok...Ok...this is %$^#& I am done. I have patches of hair that the razor missed. I used like 12 of these razors just to finish the job. So now I am covered in my own blood and my face stings every time I feel the breeze generated by my eyelashes every time I blink. Oh wait...let me grab some of this cooling aftershave. I mean, I did just shave and this is afterwards. (SPLASH)

I woke up two hours later from the shock laying on the bathroom floor, which is now soaked as the rug I was standing on is trying it's hardest to absorb a mixture of blood, aftershave and my own urine.

I haven't shaved with a razor since.

I have tried many other methods, which have equally horrendous results.
But then, I received from my wife, the gift of LASER HAIR REMOVAL.

Laser....sounds efficient, accurate, unrelenting.
So to use a laser to remove hair sounds like a brilliant idea.
I came into the dermatologists office with the hope of never having to worry about my shaving problem areas again, which happen to be my neck and cheekbones area.
I lay down in the reclining chair getting ready for the Laser technician (wow, they have a cool title)
to start work on my neck. She gave me some cool futuristic goggles to wear and I was ready to have my neck hair disintegrated.
The buzz and pop of the laser was fast, BBrrzzzzzatttz , but not fast enough for me not to notice.
Have you ever been stung by a bee? Have you ever been popped on the wrist by a rubber band?
Well imagine being popped in the NECK with a bee stinger by a rubber band.
That laser hurt. That is the short descriptive for the .05 inch area done by the first zap.
The long descriptive is...eh hem JESUSMOSESJOSEPHLUKEVADERTOMHANKSWHOOPIGOLDBERGPIPPILONGSTOCKINGHOLYWATERMUTHEROFGODSAKESWOMANAREYOUASADIST?!!!!
She proceeded to move to the next, very small area.
after the first twenty zaps, she removed the clothespin from my mouth, wiped the foaming drool from my chin, unstrapped my legs as they were still kicking from the trauma and encouraged me to focus my eyes towards the room. Instead my eyes were rolled back so far I could see the inside of my skull. It's blue in there if you wanted to know.

I got up thinking, ok...with all that pain, the charred smell of my flesh and loss of the ability to swallow, there must be awesome results. My face and neck looked like a strawberry because my pores were hurting and huge. The technician then said she'd see me next month for the second treatment...out of six.
I left their office and made it back to work...hoping the swelling would go down. It didn't and I even heard in passing someone ask a friend what was that smell.
I wanted to say it was my face, medium well.
Well, six treatments and a year later.....all the hair is back.

If you are considering doing something to your body because it is an inconvenience, think again.
It's there for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, especially for my lower back and shoulder hair, but you keep it. I never know when I will need to braid a rope or leave a trail in the woods. Just skip the self torture.

Untitled.

2011-01-05T16:15:00.004-05:00

You came home early
while he stays out late.
You made him dinner
yet he already ate.
You want to talk but he won't share your point of view.
He just doesn't feel like loving you.

You went for a walk
He'd rather stay home
You try to call
he won't answer the phone
you've tried and you've tried but what can you do?
He just doesn't feel like loving you.

In front of his friends
he says you never make sense
They say that he's funny
but it's at your expense
you hold it all in but you feel like the fool
He just doesn't feel like loving you.

Today is your birthday
it'll come, it'll go
He re-wrapped your gift
as if no one would know
His clothes are tailored and his watch is brand new.
He just doesn't feel like loving you.

You've bought a new dress
you've changed your hair
he doesn't notice
or he doesn't care
He'll ordered a pizza, that's your dinner for two.
He just doesn't feel like loving you

You're ready to leave
your bags sit by the door
he begs you to stay
as he paces the floor
he says he will change and for you he'd be new
He just doesn't feel like losing you

And Life moves on

2010-12-22T13:39:00.002-05:00

So I recently went to Philadelphia to do some shopping and visit with family.
I had the opportunity to talk to my grandma and my Aunt (who needs her own show and I'd watch daily BTW). The visit wasn't as long as I'd like but it was needed.
I think my grandma has stopped aging. She still captivates me with her stories, the way she gets out of her chair to show you how a conversation went. There is something definitely missing in today’s medium of communication. I don't get enough from text or email.
I don't get to "See" what you are talking about. They say a picture says a thousand words, but a single word may conjure a thousand pictures. I'll let you think about that one.

I did get a chance to see my father as well. Again, not a long visit. We spoke about the basics at first. Work politics, family life, and then we drifted into a more serious convo when I heard the tone in his voice upon mention of my older brother.
There is some underlying anger/disappointment/concern/ or disapproval when he speaks about my brother. It leaves me with the feeling of changing the subject or simply saying "oh, ok, mmm hmmm." I've come to just accept that my Dad is who he is, believes what he believes and does what he does. I can't judge him because his outlook on life or the life of others, no matter how skewed I believe it to be, is from his own POV. I worry about him and I love him no matter what. It just concerns me that he doesn't hold one of his son's in high regard. I guess he's never really been blatantly lied to. It's a shame that life moves by so fast and that you really don't have time to do things the way you'd like to. I know this for certain.
There are so many things and people in life that I look at and say, well if I could have done things differently I would have. But that is not the case. I've learned to stop worrying about the “what if” and focus on the “what is”. I have many attachments to me and my life, but that doesn't make up my life. I have a long way (knocking on laminated faux wood panel) to go in this life of mine.
I can't be everything to everyone, because no one is everything to me. I am not even everything to me but I one day hope to reach the level in which I can truly look back on my life and appreciate it for the wonder that is was and is.

That is what makes me appreciate things as well. No matter what happens, we will live until we die. Wow, I sound like my dad now. But it's true; there is no need to worry about things that we can't control. If you wait for the perfect time, you've already missed it. The time really is now. All you can do is catch a piece of happiness in the moments. Seeking perfection by making small improvements is the method that I will try in 2011. I can't make any promises anymore. All I can do is be honest with myself on what I want, and be ready to let things go if it comes into direct competition with that.

Well I left my father on our typical note, laughing as we walked opposite directions.
Dad, you are right. We have the luxury of being able to talk to our father and the luxury of being able to disagree with him. You didn't have that chance. I'm sorry about that and I never really knew how much it hurt and still hurts you. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you in this world, because even through our failures as fathers, sons and as people, we still have one other to cling to when our world goes dark. We're not perfect, we're people. and I love you.

September 28th

2010-09-28T15:06:00.002-04:00

Friday afternoon, September 28th, 1973 I was born.

So what have I done since then?
I am not sure, except I do know that raising my son is the most important thing that I am doing.

I'm not big on my birthday...so this is short.

It's a Wonderful Life, that occasionally blows!

2010-08-27T11:57:00.003-04:00

OK Mom, you may not want to read this.
Your son is a bit crazy.
Not the rocking back and forth in a corner pulling out my eyebrows crazy (even though I have been caught doing that).

You'd think with all of my accomplishment and gift that I'd be completely happy with everything.
I have a beautiful house, a beautiful son, a beautiful fiance.
I have a decent job, I am in good shape and I am intelligent.
So, what more could I want?

I don't want more. I want less.
I am the type of person that would be fine living in the woods and steering clear of man.
Man gets on my bleepity bleep nerves.
We work hard to afford the crap that we have, and I don't necessarily have time to enjoy it.
I pay a ridiculous amount of money for my son to be around strangers. Then I get to see him for a few hours a day wondering where he picked up these crazy habits. Is he really my son, because I AM supposed to be the one filling his mind with knowledge and behavior.
His mother and I fell in love so effortlessly, now our time is spent in the same same room, yet silently watching TV or me talking to her while she texts someone about what she is doing.
She should send a text message that says, "hey I am texting you right now."
Some people would wish to have the things that I do, but maybe since I could care less about these things, that is what makes me crazy.
I'd rather experience something great than live in the mundane day to day, just getting by.
I sometimes envy the people riding on the side of garbage trucks, because to ride on a moving vehicle must be exhilarating.
Poor poor Aaron

Black Wings

2010-08-16T11:11:00.002-04:00

One for Sorrow
Two for Mirth
Three for a Death
Four for a Birth
Five for a Kiss
Six for a Fall
Seven for a Lover
Eight for a stranger to Call
Nine for a Prayer
Ten for a Thief
Eleven for the Dawn
Twelve from the Deep

Lyrics

2010-08-10T11:15:00.002-04:00

The Park: Feist
"Sadness so real that it populates
The city and leaves you homeless again
Steam from a cup and snow on the path
The seasons have changed from the present to past

The past...
There's hope to have
In the past..."

Scared: Duffy
"The blank pages of my diary,
That I haven't touched since you left me,
The closed blinds in my home,
See no light or day,
Dust gathers on my stereo,
Cause I can't bare to hear the radio,
The piano sits in a shaded space,
With a picture of your face"

Aaron's really simple.

2010-08-02T12:15:00.001-04:00

For all the complexities that I profess to possess
I am really simple.
I want to be loved.
I want to be wanted
I like to love others
I need to know there is a reason why I am here, right now.
If I don’t have that, I drift into my own thoughts
I try to escape reality by getting involved in others lives.
Hoping to play a crucial role in helping them understand things that
I have yet to fathom with words of universal truths.
All things happen for a reason.
You are who you say you are
Time heals everything.
Well the truth is, all things just happen. If there is a reason, it is unknown to us.
You are who you say you are doesn’t work in all the time.
Sometimes you are the base and vile person that you never wanted to be, or you are better than you hoped. In either case, you won’t really know yourself and those around you will define you by your actions.
Time doesn’t heal everything. Time lets us forget. It masks the sting with a fog concealing recollection.
The pain is real, we just are too lazy to revisit it.
After investigating who I am, I realize I am you in another pair of shoes, walking in a different direction to an unfamiliar objective. Our destination may differ, but our goal is the same. Our methods are varied but the intention is pure. We are who we are. No more, maybe less.

Brick by Brick

2010-08-02T11:29:00.002-04:00

I marvel at the wall that I have built
It towers above all of my previous creations.
This wall was intended to hold out the cold winds of gossip,
shade me from the blinding rays of judgment and protect me from the armies of lies, mistrust and deception.
Unfortunately this wall has locked me in. While behind this wall I forgot I was also blocking out the touch of a compassionate hand, the sound of praise and the company of others. I have built a moat of uncertainty and no one would dare approach my wall. As a remedy to my isolation I have decorated my wall. Invited others to view my wall yet punished those who attempt to span the moat with cold silence or promises to drain the bitter waters, only to leave them in a vast trench, yet to be successfully scaled.
There is silence. Sublime yet sour, I’ll now search for light and sound in people and places. It has become hard to find. It is a undertaking to topple my wall and span the murky waters, filled with time and disappointment. But I must if I wish to be a part of the fold. But then again, what is gained by being part of the flock that identified you as the outsider? I’ll practice my mortar skills and shepherd those interested beyond the stone.

Family

2010-07-27T09:23:00.002-04:00

I spoke to my brother yesterday who passed on some words of wisdom.
There is a difference between family members and relatives. You can't chose your family but you can chose how you relate to them.
Actually he got this information from our cousin.
I believe that it rings true.
You definitely can't chose your family, but as an adult you can embrace them of distance yourself.
I have been learning a bit more and more about my family, which in turn allows me to learn more and more about myself.
All of the things that I struggle with internally are things that are definitely present and prevalent in my close family. I am not sure if it is due to some chemical imbalance, life experience, trauma or choice, but some of them really have no clue as to how much harm they can do.
I could point out many examples from many different branches of the family tree. I guess that would be putting them on blast without really putting myself out there. Well it is my blog, right?
I know I have the things I struggle with. Like I said, I am not sure if I am the way I am because of who and how my parents are. The fear, the lack of motivation, the need to be needed and the want to be wanted. I did receive some great gifts as well. Compassion, sensitivity to others, the willingness to be there, loyalty (to some degree). The struggle is natural but overcoming our own personal demons (succubus) is what breeds success.

To make a long story even longer, I need to document the following as to not forget how things really went down. I don't know all of the details, but I do know the final result, AKA the FACTS.

My older brother was born in 1972

I was born in 1973
My Parents were married in 1973
My father didn't see me until I was 2
We lived York PA, then to Warminster PA
My younger brother was born in 1978
My Dad and Mom had a troubled early relationship as I remember the arguments when I was 4.
We moved back to Philadelphia and my parents separated a few times. Then finally they split 1984-85. I was 12.
The reason was infidelity and a few too many verbal and physical altercations.
My father moved in with his sister.
We stayed at the house with my mother. We saw our Dad on Sundays, then it died down to every other Sunday, then BB Q's and holidays.
My brother went to Benedict College in 1990 on the request of my Father. My older brother states he never wanted to go, but he insisted I come down.

I went in 1991 and dropped out in 1994.
My brother Dropped out Summer of 1994. My Mother remarried in 1995He joined the Air Force the that year.
In 1996 he met and Married his wife, and had a child a year later.
Their relationship although new was troubled.
I went to Edinboro University in 1996.
My younger brother graduated HS and attend Edinboro University in 1997
My older brother and his wife had their second child. Relationship, still rocky.
Between semesters, I stayed with my mother & stepfather in Philadelphia.
My older brother and his wife were separated and the children stayed with my mother in Philadelphia, until my brothers wife showed up at the house with the police claiming that my mother wouldn't return the children. We had proof that proved otherwise.
Eventually they moved to from Nebraska to NJ.
I graduated in 2000 and moved to VA in 2001
I married in 2003
My brother moved to VA in 2005 and lived with me until 2006. My relationship was troubled
but his moving their caused added turbulence.
I officially separated from my wife in 2007 even though we decided in 2006 to seek a dissolution of our marriage. The final straw was her "emotional abandonment".
In 2007 I met Madeline and we found out we would be parents in 2008.
My older brother's wife was pregnant with their 3rd child. At this time they were living in Japan.
In 2008 my son was born. My divorce was being silently contested as she required to solidify her status.
In 2009 my brother returned from Japan moving to GA.
In 2009 I was officially divorced and proposed marriage to my Madeline.
2010, my brother moves out of the house and eventually comes back. Then his wife, after having an argument and physical altercation with the oldest son, which my brother disapproves of and verbally threatens her, she takes the children without his knowledge and moves.
Two weeks goes by with no word from her to him, nor does he hear from the children.
She does notify my father of her whereabouts in which he does not relay the information to my brother.
Soon lawyers are involved, and his wife is discovered to still be in state.
Letters are written to the lawyers to identify character and past behavior of both parties.
A letter was written on the behalf and in favor of my brother's wife to have custody of the children.
The judge grants the mother custody but does allow my brother to visit.
My brother purchases a cell phone in order to talk to his children.
The cell phone is turned off as I have not been able to make contact when I call.
July 2010, my brother's wife moves to Boston with the children and does not inform my brother that she did so until afterwards.
I spoke with my father who informs me that she did contact him and told him of her plans, yet he was told not to contact us.
My father says that he wants to remain neutral, he wants to focus on his grand children as his children are grown.

Even though he thinks he's not choosing a side, he did.
Facts speak for themselves.

The Twos

2010-06-28T15:18:00.002-04:00

Today was one of those days that I had to remind myself that I was the parent.

Isaac woke up in a pretty cheerful mood today. I heard him rustling around in his crib so I went to scoop him up and bring him into the bedroom for our traditional morning ritual.
He was watching A Bugs life while I was getting ready for work.
It was 7:45am by the time I was ready to head out of the door. It being Monday, I still had to put of the trash and recycling. I also needed to take my antibiotic for the foliculitis in my left armpit. So I put on his shoes, put him on my back and headed out to the car. He was pretty relaxed when I strapped him in and kindly asked for a book that was siting on the floor of the car. I gave it to him and he quickly informed me that there was another book that we wanted as well. I gave that to him and drove off.
Once we arrived at school, he still clung to the books in his hand and insisted on taking both in to the daycare.
I said, "Isaac, you can't take both books, you can take one. So do you want the Nemo book, or the Cars book?"
He whined a bit and realizing that he couldn't take both, he chose to throw them to the floor.
"Isaac, that isn't how we act. Now you can't take either one in to school."
That really upset him.
He cried, kicked, screamed, wouldn't follow instructions, wouldn't stand or walk. He was having a full blown temper tantrum. I don't mind that he gets upsets and displays his feelings, but he went overboard. Other parents and daycare staff approached asking what was wrong, and I was quick to inform them that I had things under control and he was in trouble. I didn't want Isaac to think that someone else could just step in and change the situation. He cried out for Mommy, and even his grandmother.
I told him that he was not getting mommy, or grandma, and it was just he and I. That upset him more knowing that his support system was gone.
I eventually managed to get him inside and sat him down until he was ready to calm down, then say sorry, and acknowledge what I was telling him. I think he understood why things went the way they did. I fed him breakfast and he asked for the book again. I said I would get him one book. He wanted the Nemo book. So I went back out to the car and returned with the Nemo book. One of his teachers asked him to follow her and he demanded the Cars book. I thought to myself, "Here we go again."
I left and returned with the book he wanted and handed it to him. A big grin slide across his face as if letting me know that he got his way.
I looked at the clock and it was 9:18. I was very late for work and told him that he won this round, but tomorrow would be a different story.
I felt good for a little while during our exchange because I didn't have to spank him or yell.
I hope that it pays off in the later years, because he could have easily gotten a beat down.
I love him too much to hurt him though, and he is only 2. Hopefully he will grow out of it, or this may be a sign of things to come.

The Vanishing of Aaron

2010-06-02T10:56:00.003-04:00

I have mixed feelings about the circle of family and friends that continues to shrink.

I have to admit, I have made a lot of mistakes in regards to family and friends.

Sometimes my way of keeping other things safe is to sabotage myself.

It sounds dumb but I have sabotaged things in order not to cross lines. I did lose a few folks along the way of doing so. I did it in Philly, VA, Boston, SC.

I honestly can't say that I have been the best friend to people. I found myself saying, "no one calls me on my birthday" but I honestly can't say I remember birthdays myself.

Madeline and I saw that movie "I love you man" and I can relate. When you get to a certain point in your life, relationships are harder to build. I know I used to have friends, or share friends with people. I'd like to have friends, but at times I feel in order to do so, you have to be involved in the good and bad of their life. I live in a fantasy land and want everything to be good all the time. To true test of friendship is that you can weather the bad.

My Dad hasn't called my back. I think he feels that his sons are angry with his decision to support Naomi. I told him how I felt on the phone and in an email. I called him twice and no return call. This makes things feel awkward, but I can't help but to think that he really can care less.

The Smallest of Lessons

2010-06-02T10:29:00.002-04:00

Today I woke up with the intention of doing everything the "right" way.
I took my shower, got Isaac dressed and ready for school.
I left for work on time.
I called in ahead of time for my smoothie as not to be late.
I got relatively close parking spot because I was on time.
As I sat at my desk, clearing out old emails and submitting all my job related documents, I noticed a wasp flying around.
It was a rather large insect, and I thought to myself "someone is going to kill it."
When it made it's way towards my desk, as wasps always do, I drank the last of my smoothie and captured the wasp in the cup with the old cover, and slide sheet of paper under the cup technique.
People in my work area were happy that it was dealt with. I decided to walk it outside because that is where I think it would want to be rather than have someone smack it with a newspaper and place it in the trash. I walked the cup over to the dumpster and tossed it in. The cup toppled over a bit and I gave it one last push to make sure the wasp could fly out.
I didn't initially notice that someone from the office cleaning staff was standing near and could see what I was doing. He looked in the cup then smiled in my direction as to agree in appreciation of the size of the wasp. As I walked off I saw that he took a spray from his belt and let a few rounds off inside the cup.
I was a bit disappointed.
Despite my efforts not to kill it, someone else felt that he should try to kill it even though he could have just walked away.

The Lesson: The actions of other people are out of our control thus the decisions made on both sides of that fictional line called morality may be seen with disdain and disappointment by their opposite.

All is quiet now

2010-05-12T10:56:00.003-04:00

I've layed low for a while. So much is going on.
The upcoming wedding, the book, the software, the boy, the deck and back yard.
Little by little it will all get done.

So, I have a doc appointment today. Thanks to the good ole aluminum in my antiperspirant, I have Kuato growing in my armpit.
It is very painful and Karate class will have to wait until I get it cleared up. I will try to go tonight.
It seems that my immune system has been compromised. I blame my diet. Since dropping the flesh from my diet, it have been sick more often. I think I will attack a cow on my way home.
Nah. After not eating meat for so long, when I consider it I have mental images of the meat packing process.
It's just nasty stuff. Well I hope that tea tree oil, neosporin and hot showers will make me feel better. For now I will just walk around looking crazy with one arm away from my side.
I guess I should have known better.

All the darkness

2010-02-18T08:45:00.002-05:00

2010 is starting off really tough for some.
Or it could be the start of a new life, new growth.
Before anyone can grow, they must reflect on the past.
I do this once in a while.
2009 was a year I will never forget.
I grew some and learned a few life lessons.
I lost some "friends" and I regained some old ones.
There are just some relationships and people you can't keep in your life
without them becoming too harmful. I learned that honesty is the best policy and
some things are just best left alone.

All in all I would say that I broke even.
Now in 2010, there are a few changes that I am making.
The majority of those changes will improve my life down the road.

I see a few family members and friends going through difficulties in life.
I can't help them except with words and prayers.
I have overextended a few times and I have to really sit back and observe.
There are a few things that need to be brought to light.
There are monsters out there, or at least people who act like monsters from time to time.
They really need to look in to the mirror.
I think I need to as well, but I am comfortable with my demons.
I think I said this last night:
"we all know what's wrong with us, it's just admitting it to ourselves and determining if we want to change it."

Firefly

2009-11-30T15:22:00.001-05:00

Pillars of light cascade through the canopy
Casting ancient shadow stretched along the world
We awaken headed toward the heavens. Herald of the night to come.
The stars mimic our movements as we chase one another and ourselves.
We touch and find joy in our flight and descent,
All the while dancing to rhythms unheard,
singing melodies unspoken
And loving in ways unknown and in secret.
Our ritual eventually obscured by blanket of winter,
Until we hail the coming of spring as our rite of passage.
Love, rebirth, life, and wonder, we are . Sisters and Brothers in
this short life lived, but lived to the fullest,
Illuminating the empty space between the ancients.
We dance and are pillars of light that cascade through the canopy.

Aaron Yelps for Fun

2009-08-25T09:17:00.002-04:00

I rarely find a site that consists of cool people, food, and random conversations.
Yelp is that site.
Ok, Yelp was that site.
As many of you know, I like pushing the envelope.
Yelp didn't like where I was pushing it and I embarked on a personal crusade to violate their terms of service. Eventually I was banned from the site all together, but not before I saved a copy of my reviews.

Goodbye Yelp.
It was fun while it lasted.

706 Mission StSan Francisco, CA 94103(415) 908-3801
Yelp
Categories: Local Flavor, Mass Media Neighborhood: SOMA

7/21/2009
Yelp. How do I love thee?Let me count the ways...One.Guess which finger?

1100 Kickapoo RDClinton, MS 39056
Triple K BB-Q
Category: Local Flavor

7/21/2009 First to Review
You've never had BB-Q until you've come here Long story short, I drove for hours in search of a good place to eat until I wound up in the deep south. Unfortunately it was getting late, I was tired. I smelled the smokey flavor of mesquite burning in the distance. I was drawn in. I noticed a large group of people getting a BBQ started. Funny how they were all dressed so nice. It'd be a shame to get any sauce on their white clothes. Strange how they folded their napkins on put them on their heads. Such a silly bunch. It looked as if they wanted to get their shy neighbors out to join them. I guess they were hard of hearing as the folks outside kept shouting for them to come on out. I went up to the door and convinced them to come out. The father inside reminded me of my dad. He got very emotional and broke down crying when he looked at the BB-Q's set up outside. They were tall and had beam across it for hanging the hot dogs. I asked them if it was like a Charuscaria or something. The BB-Q owners outside escorted the family to the grills. I inhaled the smokey goodness as it filled my nostrils. Screams of joy were heard and I guess they are big drinkers. The mom of the house said something about rum for your life. I like rum. It was getting late and I didn't really have time to stay. The BB-Q owners asked me where I was going and I promised them that I'd come back. They told me that the dad in the house was going to hang out back. I didn't see the back but I guess that would be a cool hang out spot. I wonder if they have a slip and slide? I can't wait to go back.

Washington, DC
Yelp Jail
Category: Local Flavor

Update - 7/13/2009
The Yelp Jail Blues *Playing Harp* Wa nana naa na I woke up this mornin Wa nana naa na I rolled out of bed Wa nana naa na I'm still in yelp jail Wa nana naa na Yeah dats what I said Wa nana naa na The warden is in cali Wa nana naa na while I'm in DC and he don't have no intention of ever letting me go free Cause I'm in yelp jail baby Y E L to the P No window and no showers no doors so you know there's no key! Wa nana naa na So I read all the talk threads Wa nana naa na and they back up to speed Wa nana naa na But folks are a bit milder now Wa nana naa na Since Tina's been freed Wa nana naa na I am getting some work done Wa nana naa na My boss is ecstatic but as soon as I am free and post some jerk is sure gonna flag it Cause I'm in Yelp Jail baby Y.E.L...to the MFN P I've got people on the outside who can post messages y'all but can't set me... Freee wa wawa wawa wawa wawa wawawaaaaaaaaaa
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2 Previous Reviews: Hide »
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7/10/2009
-------------------- -------------------- -------------------- ------------I woke up this morning whistling Poker Face. I didn't realise that I was whistling and as soon as I noticed, I jumped up to the buzzing florescent lights, wrapped a bed sheet around the joist, and tried to do myself in. I woke up on the floor, covered in cookie crumbs and yellow skittles. My cell door was open and as I walked in to the hall, I saw that the walls were painted with rainbows and forests. There was a duo-corn running down the hallway. You know...a unicorn with two horns. No wait, that is a bull. I ran down the hallways as the loud speaker played the theme music to Double Dragon. I jumped over the rail to the lower holding cells, landing in orange yellow. I wiggled a bit and ran off to the marshmallow river. There was a large snickers bar floating in the middle and I jumped on it and rode it down the rapids. Then I sudden woke up again, face down in the toilet. These prison guards keep putting LSD in my food.
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7/9/2009
I got placed in solitary confinement. I don't even know what I did to get put in to jail..but man o man..am I loving it. The walls are closing in..as if they want to hug me. I've befriended a roach. We talk about politics and Johny Quest. I think that she is a cool roach and her little egg sack is growing. We will have company soon. I think I will teach the babies to sing Bohemian Rhapsody. I can't wait. Thanks Yelp Jail. You made me better. *pulling out my eyebrows* ******************** ******************** ******************** ********So in comes a Yelp Admin. He gives me this look like I know why I am in here. Could it be the thread about names for my privates? That gave me 30 days in the clink. Most folk get a slap on the wrist. I got a hard 30 days. Was it because I knew about operation Tea Party? Was it because I insulted an Asian man with quotes from Full Metal Jacket. That could be it. Or maybe it was my challenging the Yelp admins. I shook my fist at the Yelp Gods and told them I am an American Idol worshiper!! He starts to smile at me. I initially thought it was the smile that said, Oh, you filthy little criminal. But then he undid his pants. I never saw that smile before, but I know what his sick little Yelp Admin mind was thinking. He knew I was tighter than 12 year old... back injury. Tighter than a fat guy in spandex. I told him that my body parts say exit only. I knew what he wanted and I wasn't going down without a fight! He got scared and summoned the guards. They all brandished billy clubs dripping with KY. The sick bastards. They grabbed me and forced me over to the window. I saw the other yelpers being loaded on to a bus. That bus took off and exited the main gate. There was silence...except from the snickering admin who crept up behind me. Feeling his hot breath on my neck, he told me this will not end quickly. He said I wouldn't enjoy this. He said that he had tuna for lunch. darkness crept in my room later. I sat on the floor of my shower...letting the water hit me. I cried. then I started to laugh... not because of the pain not because of the solitary confinement.. but because of the havoc I would wreak. They say I don't know when to quit.... and I don't. I managed to hide one of those billy clubs. Where? It's too painful to mention.
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2055 Wilson BlvdArlington, VA 22201(703) 243-4442
Brooklyn Bagel Bakery
Categories: Bagels, Coffee & Tea, Sandwiches

7/13/2009
I have fond memories of walking from the Courthouse Metro to 3xB's before the start of my workday. Who knew that this place would not only house some of the friendliest staff, but also have some yummy bagels. For breakfast you have so many choices available. The egg and cheese on poppy seed is still my all time favorite. Service is prompt and the prices are just right. I will continue to frequent the establishment as long as they are in business. Great job 3xB. Save a Blueberry Bagel for me.
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218 N Rodeo DrBeverly Hills, CA 90210(310) 247-8939
Urasawa
Categories: Japanese, Sushi Bars Neighborhood: Beverly Hills

7/6/2009
This place is the cats meow. When me and my lovely lover are in town, we make sure we grace Urasawa with our presence. We don't really worry about parking because our driver drops us off in the stretch Delorean. It's the classiest way to go. Since we jet setted from the big apple to here just for the Sushi, it'd be nice if they would make a New York Roll for once. That idea makes me laugh inside and tickles the Merlot in my body. I would give this place more stars except the sushi ninjas might use them against me. Sushi is not just a food and dining experience, its a Revelation. If wish my lovely lover would eat more. Something about the smell of ginger and wassabi covering her body turns me on. But that my friend is another story for another time.
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1224 H St NEWashington, DC 20002(202) 397-7655
Sticky Rice
Categories: Sushi Bars, Japanese Neighborhood: H Street Corridor/Atlas District/Near Northeast

7/6/2009
My fifth date with my girlfriend of two years wasn't at Sticky Rice, so it won't always hold a special place in my aorta, exclamation point. Here's the dealeo. Sticky Rice is said to be THE most hipstery spot in THE most hipstery part of DC. Let's just be priest-like here. H Street NE is on the front edge of gentrification, and black and Latino people who live near/hang out at the restaurants and bars nestled between all the shitty take-out places and hair salons consider ourselves the coolest mofos in town because our area hasn't been tainted by the corporate antiseptic establishments that have infiltrated such passe hoods as U Street. Wow. That was a mouthful. I didn't understand it at all. Don't you get it? We're playing R Kelly on blast, not because we think he's awesome, but because he pees on people. We play truly awful Japanese gozirra movies on the big screen BECAUSE they're so awful! Isn't that funny!? And doesn't saying gozirra sound like I am being a bit racist? And I got review of the day! Whoopee From previous reads of this place..it sounds like it sucks. I can't wait until they read my Bizzaro version. I hear that Sticky Rice has probably gotten too popular too fast, and now just doesn't give a F. But I've never been there. It's hard, though, reviewing a place I've never been to. But then again, I guess I could imagine the review of the first moon restaurant. It would go something like this. "May I have a straw for my carbonated beverage?" Lifts helmet to drink beverage from straw. Dies instantly from implosion. Moon Burger sucks. Can I get ROTD now?
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7550 Telegraph RdAlexandria, VA 22315(703) 922-5210
House of Dynasty
Category: Restaurants

6/23/2009
Our junk drifted on the bank of the Potomac in the distance as we set out to find the legendary House of Dynasty. We trekked through the wilderness, through the wetlands and the hours seems to creep by like a banana slug with ADD. "Behold!" shouted on of our retainers carrying the bamboo tent poles. I looked ahead. It was the House of Dynasty! Tears streamed down my face, cutting a path through the mud spattered on my face. We unloaded and set up our tents, imagining what treasure lay inside. We knew with great treasure there was also great peril. I knew that we'd encounter some sort of danger, so I brought extra water to douse fires made by dragons, my silver crucifix in case we encountered the undead and of course bug repellent. The next morning, I awoke to the sounds of nature. I peered my head out of my tent and saw that my traveling party was gone. The house of Dynasty loomed ahead, as if it was waiting for me to be devoured as well. I ran as fast as I could up the stairs, a;; four of them and approached the great doors of the House of Dynasty. I kissed my cross, and ventured inside. I expected to see the shattered and twisted bodies of those who failed to subdue the guardians and learn the secrets of the House of Dynasty. Instead I saw a lot of friendly Chinese people who sat me promptly and took my order. It was yummy. My waitress said my party ordered take out last night and bolted to search treasure. I can't recall the name of this legendary gem they sought. I think she said Diamond Monday's. Pearl Wednesday's? Ah....Saphire Saturday's. No that's not it.
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5920 Kingstowne Towne CenterAlexandria, VA 22315(703) 971-3202
Bonefish Grill
Category: Seafood

6/15/2009
So I had a little time before I went to the movies with my main squeeze and we decided to check out Bonefish. She doesn't eat seafood but drinks before a movie is always a good idea. You feel like you get your moneys worth when you are a bit bent. So she got the pomegranate Martini and I got the Black Cherry Guava Mojito . It was pretty yummy. I had a hard time choosing what to focus on when drinking it. My girl looked extra extra good and the Black Cherry Guava Mojito tasted good. Tough choice. Stare at my girl and go for the PDA or try to figure out what was in the drink to recreate it at home. Well, it was a tough choice and lets say that my girl is still not speaking to me. But who cares when I can make a decent Black Cherry Guava Mojito. Thanks Bonefish for helping me to figure out and sort my priorities. Money, Booze, Movies, then women!
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7315 Ox RoadFairfax Station, VA 22037(703) 323-6601
Burke Lake Park
Category: Parks

6/11/2009
Where else can you find serene quiet so close to 95? Holy cow, this place rocks. Other parks just have grass. Everywhere you go here you can find a place to lay down. Listen to the birds. Sit near the water. Eat ice cream. That is heaven to me. Happy times are created here and I can't wait to go back. Nice weather is optional. Know where the trails are because you wouldn't want to get lost. Sike. Keep going in any direction and you will see familiar landmarks. Everyone that i know loves this place. One day i will come out for a week. Nothing compares to camping so close to the District. I hope you can make it out here too. So pack a bag. Grab a friend, And away you go. Yay. oh yeah, go caps!
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5224 Port Royal RdSpringfield, VA 22151(703) 321-3670
The Swiss Bakery & Pastry Shop
Category: Bakeries

6/5/2009
First of all, you have to know my love for pastry. Unless you have been under a rock, you'd know how tasty they are. Can you just imagine a nice cup of coffee and a cheese danish? Kingstowne is my hangout spot but i'd gladly travel to this location for food. Young and old alike adore this place. Our goal this year is to get full on muffins. Under no circumstances shall i not complete my goal. Many places boast fresh pastries. I don't think they deliver the quality of this place. Kids especially like the bread. Every roll is fresh. There are many reasons to come here. You will smell the baked goods from a block away. On that note I will say go there. Unique Fast Lively Accessible. Give it 4 stars. Give it 5 stars. Overall a job well done. Thanks. oh yeah. go caps!
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5860 Kingstowne Ctr Ste 100Alexandria, VA 22315(703) 971-7016
Starbucks Coffee

6/5/2009 First to Review
Blech! Why does this location seem to have a new employee every two weeks? If you do come here there are a few things that are your responsibility to ask for. I mean they can't read minds. Make sure you insist that you don't have coffee grounds in your cup. Ask them not to put syrup on your cup. When getting food, ask them to warm it especially if you expect to eat it in the next hour or so. As them to give you tea bags that aren't split at the bottom. Oh, and ask them to give you change for what you ordered. These things may seem small, but ultimately you are responsible for making them happen. Same rules apply when you go to a 5 star hotel. You must make sure that they have clean sheets. You can't assume that they will honor an unspoken request.
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5650 Edsall RdAlexandria, VA 22304(703) 751-9692
Burger Delite
Categories: Burgers, Breakfast & Brunch

6/2/2009
It takes a certain type of person to like Burger Delite. I mean, I am fan of the local rusty spoon....but if that rusty spoon is jagged and rusty and bloody, I don't think I can eat my tomato bisque with confidence. Your body has to be ready to digest what comes out of that place. You need the late night endurance of a 12 state truck driver. You have to have an immune system that is ready to take on rabies from a dumpster diving possum and gonorrhea. Don't let the outside appearance fool you. The gang of day laborers hanging outside wont even eat there. They know something we don't. Burger Delite in Spanish means "Soup flows like a river from below." (loosely translated) Once you enter you will discover the is made with their 4 secret herbs and spices. (Blood, sweat, tears and and pieces of drywall.) On the up side, not too many places have a 15 day return policy on food without a receipt. But I digress, I think I shall pass as I have had rotavirus earlier this year and my immune system is all out of white flags.Oh, and the picture of the chocolate cake is really a picture of their chicken pot pie.
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4052 28th St SArlington, VA 22206(703) 575-8800
Aroma Indian Cusine
Categories: Indian, Buffets

5/29/2009
"Hey Hey, Some of my best friends are Indian." This being the first Indian Restaurant that I've too I can honestly say that it wasn't bad. I've always been leery of eating Indian food because the spices are so strong and sauces are so rich. I was wearing a white shirt and we all know that if you get a stain on your clothes while eating Indian food, no amount of Tide or Spray N Wash will get it out. I wonder if that is why the women wear such colorful saris. Would that also suggest that Indian woman get food on them more often? Oh well, that is a mystery yet to be solved. But I felt adventurous and headed in. I am glad I did. All my fears were squelched. I wasn't tasting my meal on the ride home and the spices didn't seep through my pores the next day like I thought. You know, like when you drink too much Bourbon or get some bad LSD. I would have given this place another star if it wasn't for the wait staff. They were fast about getting us in our seat, taking our order, and bringing out the food. When it came time for us to leave, we wanted a few boxes for the left overs and our check. I asked them twice for the box and thrice for the check. My kabob got fed up, reincarnated itself and walked off my plate heading for the door. (Imagine the image of a Kabob wearing a fedora and clicking it's car remote. yeah, I am giggling too.) OH! I need to track down the name of the crackers that they gave us in the beginning. They were tasty. If you know what they are called, let me know. I think they are made out of chickpeas. Ha ha. Like what isn't these days!
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7698 Richmond HwyAlexandria, VA 22306(703) 660-1000
Moe's Southwest Grill
Category: Food

5/12/2009 First to Review
So my brother and I decided to meet each other for lunch and Moe's seemed like a place where we could get in, order, eat and get out within a decent time. I said I didn't want to go anywhere with a sit down menu because I didn't have time but we still wanted good service. We entered Moe's and heard the staff behind he counter clearly blurt out, "Welcome To Moe's!' I thought that was a great marketing idea. It took me a bit longer to decide what i wanted because I was mentally comparing this place to other fast food Tex-Mex places. If Chipotle and Taco Bell had a one night stand, Moe's would be their child. He would spend summers with Baja Fresh and learn some valuable lessons. OK, so I decided what i wanted. One Chicken burrito. The guy preparing it says something in an inaudibly low tone in Spanglish. I ask him to repeat. Again, he speaks very low. I just tell him what I want and he motions the cashier to come over to explain. "Today is Monday and we run specials every Monday" I say accept their "special" price which just means that the special price is used to get rid of the extra meat that they had left over during the weekend. Then the two start to giggle in Spanish and THANK GOODNESS I took those Spanish classes in college. I understood some of it and he was taking little pokes at me. Well, I am all about taking pokes at people so today was just my day to be on the other end of that. But it makes me wonder how can you say "Welcome to Moe's" with such diction and not practice the everyday English that you need to do your job. That is what I get for hanging out with the Taco Bell's bastard child, right? Oh, and the food was blah.
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Richmond HighwayAlexandria, VA 22306
Richmond Highway Ice Cream Truck
Category: Ice Cream & Frozen Yogurt

5/5/2009 First to Review
This is a review for the Ice Cream truck that rolls through my private street at 35mph. How the hell do you get kids to buy ice cream when you speed through a residential neighborhood. Ice cream trucks should go a max of 5 miles per hour to suck every child out of the home, sending them running in to the street ignoring oncoming traffic. You are missing out on lots of money and you could actually kill a kid. I am sure if you give their family a years worth of Choco-Taco's it would cover the cost, but you need to think of business first. Oh, and just to let you know. There are some Ice Cream truck music standards. Pop Goes the Weasel, London Bridge, Sailing Sailing. NOT Pearl Jams Alive and definitely not Tito Puente's Golden Latin Jazz All Stars. Good music, yes. Bad Ice Cream truck music.
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5955 Kingstowne Towne CtrAlexandria, VA 22315(703) 924-6018
Chipotle
Category: Mexican

5/5/2009
I see Chipotle as the McDonald's of Burritos except the picture on the wall matches what you get in your to go bag, a big silver gut bullet. If there was one thing that I have to gripe about is the portions. When you get a burger from McDonald's, you know that you are getting a bland quarter pound burger on a soggy tomato juice soaked bun with watery mayo. Your portion size at Chipotle varies due to several factors. What kind of day the Chipotler had. The wrist strength of the Chipotler to dish out large amounts of rice. Who is a regular and flirts with said Chipotler. Well since I am not about to even hint at getting freaky-deaky with a Chipotler and the she looked like she could bench press the bench press machine, I guess she had a bad day. She asked me what I wanted. Simple: barbacoa burrito, black beans, tomatoes, corn, lettuce, cheese. She Whipped around like one of those arm flailing tube men you see at car dealerships and made my burrito. The guy behind me who looked like Zack Efron ordered his burrito. That thing was bulging at the seams. It made mine look like an egg roll by comparison. I wanted to grab his and try to compare their weight in my hands, but you never grab another man's burrito. That's just ......wrong. My burrito was so small. I think the girl at the register giggled a little, and said my burrito was cute. When it comes to burritos, size does matter. *sigh* High school all over again.
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2250 Clarendon BlvdArlington, VA 22201(703) 243-8181
Sawatdee
Category: Thai

5/4/2009
This is the first Thai restaurant I have ever been to so I have to say that I base all of my experiences from this restaurant. Their Pad Thai is the best that i have ever tried. The presentation of the food is nice as well. My only gripe is that the lighting is fairly dim and seating is cramped. Based off of food alone, I have to rank this one up there.
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1550 Wilson BlvdArlington, VA 22209(703) 469-1953
Cafe Asia
Category: Asian Fusion

5/4/2009
Do not come in here expecting the best food from around the globe. Cafe Asia easily beats out the corner store Chinese food place that sells ice cream and cigarettes through bullet proof glass.You city folk from B-More and Philly know what i am talking about.Cafe Asia is a safe bet when you want something better than average. It's good for eating while watching All in the Family reruns.
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8598 Leesburg PikeVienna, VA 22182(703) 893-8100
Tyson's Dodge
Category: Car Dealers

4/29/2009 First to Review
I can't believe that I am the first person to review this Dealership. Due to the economic climate and the trouble in the auto industry you'd think I'd be able to get a great deal. I walked in, met with an inexperienced car sales person, even though he was a nice guy. I took the car that I was interested in for a test drive and I was ready to buy. As I sat at the negotiation table, the sales person brought over their financing manager. I gave him my price and instead of working the numbers with me, he simply said "have a good day and thank you for coming in" . Now, I was ready to buy and his attitude just made realise that he doesn't know that he is on the disadvantages side of the table. You do know that the auto industry is failing. You do realise that you are in the car SALES business. I got an upgraded model with all of the features that I wanted for a lower price elsewhere. When buying a car, find out if the finance guy is an idiot first. It may save you a few hours.
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6600 Springfield MallSpringfield, VA 22150(703) 921-0220
Target Stores
Category: Department Stores

4/29/2009
I love this target!Wanna know why?Come closer.....closer....closer...They sometimes forget to tag items and if you go to the Middle Eastern woman who works the second floor register on Wednesday, she will arbitrarily make up a price. It's wonderful.I am going to buy and unmarked entertainment center for $15.00I love you Target HR department!
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6124 Franconia RdAlexandria, VA 22310(703) 922-6222
Paradiso Italian Restaurant
Categories: Italian, Pizza

4/29/2009
I am all about ruining my appetite before dinner. This place has the best Tiramisu in the area. The lunch buffet is decent due to the fact they have a large selection of food and a pasta station which is prepared to your specification. All in all 3 stars. The Tiramisu by itself gets 6 stars. What? You were expecting some sort of humor. What, I can't write a review without some sort of funny or cool comment? What are you talking about? I felt that it was about time that I... What do you mean? Oh, here we go again. Why does it always have to be about you? Look, this isn't working. Fine! FINE! I AM GOING OUT AND DON'T CALL ME! YOU NEVER LOVED ME OR UNDERSTOOD ME! PARADISO UNDERSTANDS ME! I HATE YOU!!!!But do try the Tiramisu.
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Reagan National Airport22202(703) 417-8000
Cinnabon

4/28/2009 First to Review
They say airline security is tough. Well it can't be that tough if they let this gut bomb factory reside in the building. You shouldn't be allowed through the security checkpoints. Cinnabon frosting ranks in the top 10 list of Earth's pleasures right between page 42 in the Karma Sutra and Ice Cream. Unfortunately it also ranks in the top ten list of things that you don't want to eat next to Rosie O...never mind.If there was a Cinnabon on every corner it would bring about world peace or it the world would look like Hamsterdam from the wire. (Youtube it)Either way, you can still rot your teeth and not G.A.D.
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2039 Wilson BlvdArlington, VA 22201(703) 528-6500
Guarapo
Categories: Lounges, Tapas Bars, Hookah Bars

4/28/2009
Have you seen the Empire Strikes Back? Do you remember the caves on the swamp planet Dagobah that Luke entered to face his fears? Well that is what Guarapo reminds me of. Hmmmm....Hungry I was. Walked across the street I did to find hippies smoking outside. In order to face my fears of lung cancer walk inside I must. They were hosting a speed dating session for $20 a person. A rip off it was, and the women reminded me of the Rankor beast as teeth missing in mouth there were. Ordered the drink I did. Ordered food at the bar but forgot silverware they did. Hmmm...apprentice waitress. Go away you will. Return you must not. Hmmmmm.....come back you shall later...and may forks be with you.
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5824 Kingstowne Center DrAlexandria, VA 22315(703) 310-4394
Robeks
Category: Juice Bars & Smoothies

3/17/2009
Yes, another smoothie place review.As you all know, i just don't review the food. I review the staff, the decor and my feelings on the establishment.Let's talk about the staff.I guess The Hills or Laguna Beach had to let some of the extra cast members go and they seemed to have all ended up at this Robeks. After 5 minutes of standing there you will know that Corey broke up with Ashley and started hanging out with her BFF Melissa. They eventually kissed and she confessed that she and Ashley never really liked him in the first place. Corey was upset because he thought of himself as a player and thanks to his dad loaning him his classic Jaguar, he could also look the part. Corey went back to Ashley and asked her why she was so two faced and Ashely said that she already moved on and no longer wanted to talk to him anymore. She gave him a goodbye hug and he tried to steal a kiss but was shot down. Of course he denied it to his friends. I can't wait to go back next week for a Big Wednesday and the continuation. I hope that they don't get back together because OMG that would soooo suck.I am just feeling like whatever....do what you have to. Ya know?
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1370 Park Rd NWWashington, DC 20010(202) 299-9700
Sticky Fingers Bakery
Categories: Bakeries, Vegan Neighborhood: Columbia Heights

3/16/2009
Well if you haven't heard. T-Rex hearts Bunny Rabbit and for her birthday I got her a vegan cake. Don't get me wrong. I support my girls decision to become a vegan whole heartedly, but wheat pasta tastes like ass. I will spend the next few minutes of your life describing what wheat pasta/ass tastes like for those who have never really tasted an ass. Well imagine the bitter taste of carrots ground up in the pit of you stomach combined with the alkaline green sludge of bile. Funnel that through a week old sweat sock and drop on the floor of a New York City Cab, in the summer. Then take a bite. Oh yeah, wheat pasta. OK, back to Sticky Fingers. They have some great sandwiches and the carrot cake is delicious. But the whole wheat pasta tastes like (fill in the blank).
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500 King StAlexandria, VA 22314(703) 739-2854
La Madeleine French Bakery & Cafe
Category: Restaurants

3/6/2009
Have you ever been to France? Have you ever been to Quebec? Well if you haven't, imagine the finest French delicacy with a light crust, aromatic fragrance pulled hot and toasty from a classic antique french oven, and then sit it on a greyhound bus littered with a few homeless winos and screaming unchanged toddlers and recent prison releases for a 60 day trip to an oil refinery.Well that is what some of the food at this particular location taste and smell like.I would put this in my top ten places to eat if I was homeless, but since I am friends with my tongue and nose, I will pass by this place like an all leper burlesque showcase.
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352 S Pickett StreetAlexandria, VA 22304(703) 751-0030
Mediterranean Bakery & Cafe
Categories: Bakeries, Mediterranean

2/26/2009
Long long ago in a galaxy far far away a man known as Darth Vader traveled to the planet earth In search of Hommous and Pita. He found it and tasted it. He then cast aside his evil ways and opened the Mediterranean Bakery & Cafe. True story. The food is so good. The only problem I have is with the hot sauces. They scare me. If you don't know what I am talking about then you will have to make trip there to read some of the bottle names. When I am in the mood for couscous, this place always deliver. Wait a minute. They don't deliver. Hmmph...never mind the 4 stars. Booooo to you Darth Vader and Your Evil Bakery with really good pita bread.
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642 S Pickett StAlexandria, VA 22304(703) 751-8900
Nick's
Category: Music Venues

2/19/2009
Sung To the Tune of "Saved by the Bell" Well it was late in the night and I really wanna bite so I headed for a drive down the Dorn I could stop and get a steak or some salad on my plate but that is not what I'm looking for I came across Nick's and I just walked right on in and saw some country folks dancin' in line they noticed me in a pinch would I get hugs or get lynched but either way I think I lost my mind But It's alright 'coz I date a white girl.
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3425A Jefferson Davis HwyAlexandria, VA 22305(703) 519-4220
International House of Pancakes
Category: Restaurants

2/19/2009
As you enter the establishment, the keen eye will notice two things. One, the host always has a smooth mustache regardless of gender.Two, you are immediately drawn in by the scent of pancake batter.We were escorted to our table, the finest one that they had to offer and given menus. The smell of chicken maple sausage wafted out of the kitchen. The service is always prompt and attentive and the servers all joined at out table to sing "O, Fortuna" as I drove my knife deep within my waffle.It was the greatest moment of my life. The birth of my son would beat that but he didn't come out of the womb presenting me with waffles, now did he?
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480 7th St NWWashington, DC 20004(202) 628-7949
Jaleo
Categories: Spanish, Tapas Bars Neighborhood: Penn Quarter

2/19/2009
Why I do I leave this restaurant broke and still hungry? I don't understand some people. There are those that eat to experience new and different textures, sensations and flavors and there are those that eat because they are hungry and want something tasty and satisfying. It may just be that a tapas restaurant isn't for me, but Jaleo seems to want to punish me for stepping in the door. The food comes out so slow. By the time the second plate of food comes, my body has already digested the first one. My small intestine thinks that I am playing games with it.. I know it's plotting it's revenge soon. The prices aren't bad but compared to the size of the portions I feel like I am being ripped off. I guess there is some charm with imagining that you are living in a small village somewhere in Spain and after a day of hunting I came back with a mushroom, two shrimp and a handful of pine nuts. The next time I feel the need for small bites of so-so food with brief periods of hunger in between, I will go dumpster diving. At least I can save a few bucks.But their service is good. :)
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7101 Democracy BlvdBethesda, MD 20817(301) 469-6000
Montgomery Mall
Category: Shopping Centers

2/13/2009
I am in this mall everyday during the week to see if Aldo has any lace up brown shoes. They NEVER DO! If I want to look like a pimp I would buy another style, but since my last name isn't Huggybear I guess Sears will do. This mall is cool, except there is no place to purchase music except for Hot Topic. My metal days are long gone and I can only listen to so much screamo. I will have to say that this mall is home to some of the hottest soccer moms in the area. If you are here around noon, you have to venture in to the food court to hear the woman yell "Yummy Yummy Chicken, Chicken Very Yucky!" OK, she is really saying Chicken Teriyaki but the accent is a hoot. They got rid of Cinnabon too. What's the deal?
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5960 Kingstowne Towne CentreAlexandria, VA 22315(703) 719-9210
Kingstowne Family & Cosmetic Dentistry, PLLC
Category: Dentists

2/13/2009 First to Review
When I moved to Kingstowne I needed to find a Dentist. Kingstowne Family Dentist was a good choice because it was within walking distance. The staff was nice and my dentist was very informative and friendly. He worked out a treatment plan which consisted of a root canal and some filling work. When I next arrived, the front desk staff changed. *first red flag* My root canal went fairly smooth and the dental technician even congratulated me on my high tolerance to pain. I lay in the chair with tears streaming from my eyes, mouth full of blood soaked cotton and said "Gee, ya think so?" My filling didn't go so well as they left a small wooden spacer in my mouth that was discovered when I went home. I could have choked on it. *second red flag* Since then I have moved but before I did I was told that I had a credit on my account. I went back to collect that credit since I would not use that dentist and my original dentist was no longer there. Some legal issues I guess. They didn't honor the credit and even told me that I owed the dentist over $200.00, but would just call it even. *Final Red Flag*If I owe money, why not collect? They just didn't want to pay me what they owed me. I don't know what issues were had between the dentist office and the dentist, but that isn't my concern. I will not go back for service or to be tortured orally or financially by them again.
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1050 Connecticut Ave NWWashington, DC 20036(202) 293-7530
Victoria's Secret
Categories: Lingerie, Cosmetics & Beauty Supply

2/13/2009
I can hide in their dressing rooms all day.GREAT STORENo I don't come in here to buy. I come in to see what some people decide to pick up. I also offer suggestions."No no, go with the black thong. It matches your window pane perfectly"*then I run from security*KIdding, I bought a gift card. People are always nice.
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3211 N Washington BlvdArlington, VA 22201(703) 527-7468
Taste of Morocco
Category: Moroccan

2/13/2009
Let's pretend that this place was called "A Taste of Your Childhood Home" You walk in...it looks like your childhood home. Then a puppet drops from the ceiling that tries it's hardest to look like your mom. "Come on in son, or daughter" *hacking smokers cough* "Have a seat and have some fried Oreo's and a bowl of Kix" You would instantly know that this has nothing to do with home cooking. Sure you've had Oreo's. Sure you've had fried food. You might have even had a bowl of Kix. A taste of Morocco falls short when trying to serve up some traditional Moroccan cooking. There are so many beautiful dishes that come from Morocco, depending on which part of the country you are familiar with. I sat in utter disappointment and shock of what they served up. Then they had to nerve to bring dessert. It was a bowl of over ripened fruit. Are you kidding me? Taste of Morocco is the Roy Rogers of Moroccan restaurants. The people are nice and the prices high, but the food is not reminiscent of good Moroccan dishes.
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11620 Monument DrFairfax, VA 22030(703) 653-1600
Wegman's
Categories: Grocery, Specialty Food

2/13/2009
I am quitting my consulting job to work and live there.Wegmans has everything I ever needed in life.As a matter of fact, why am I still typing. I'm going there now.Anyone need cookies?
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1200 18th St NWWashington, DC 20036(202) 822-5282
Daily Grill
Category: American (Traditional)

2/13/2009
When I am not jet setting with my supermodel girlfriend or snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef in search of Bigfoot, I am here. I think the Daily Grill wants to be more than what it is. Just another place that serves food. They try their hardest to be this snooty little place because their napkins aren't paper and the wait staff don't draw their names on the table cloth in crayon. (Which takes skill depending if you write your name upside down) I ordered a shrimp cocktail, and they forgot the cocktail sauce. That's like delivering a bowl of cereal without the milk. Daily Grill, I will hire you to cater my wedding in the Andes Mountains. It would be divine. (Insert snooty laugh here)
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2051 Wilson BlvdArlington, VA 22201(703) 525-3600
Ireland's Four Courts
Categories: Breakfast & Brunch, Irish, Bars

2/13/2009
Ah, may the sun shine on yeand may you make it to the Far Carts to get a slice of fishand chips.It's good.The place seem a big packed, especially around happy hour which is unusually strange for an Irish pub.If you get there early, you can probably get a good seat for the perfarmer of da dee.(The best Irish Accent I could muster up.)
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442 S. Washington St.Falls Church, VA 22041(703) 237-4343
Elevation Burger
Category: Burgers

2/13/2009
Hamburgers made from Organic Beef. not from those cows that are assembled like Lego blocks in a factory. I first went to elevation burger a few years ago. I have to say that I am a fan of their veggie burger. It doesn't take like one of those patties that tries to mimic the taste and texture of beef. It taste like veggies. You know, like they keep a family of vegetables chained and huddled in a dark corner of the basement, assuring them that they will never escape. Then the sound of heavy footsteps is heard descending the creaking staircase, only to suddenly grab a virgin carrot as she screams and clings to her mother as she is forcefully taken back upstairs. The mother carrot hears the splash and popping of oil and screams from the kitchen. She starts rocking, crying and singing with her hands over her ears, "It's all a bad dream....It's all a bad dream!" Yeah, it's that good.
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1524 Spring Hill Road, L-MMcLean, VA 22102(703) 760-9000
eCITIE Restaurant & Bar
Category: Restaurants

2/12/2009
I love when I can walk in a place and feel like I stepped on to the set of Miami vice.My role: Best Dancer in the building.It's not that I am a great dancer, it's just that some of the people here can't dance. You know that move where they lean back and put their hand on the floor and work the hips.I've seen it.The move where they point to you and mouth the words.Oh yeah, it's there.I've seen some of the worst dance moves.The lawnmover, the fishing rod, the water sprinkler, the matador and the bull.And then there is my all time favorite. The Yack on my shoe.Classy place.
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13321 Worth AveWoodbridge, VA 22192(703) 497-5511
Milwaukee Frozen Custard
Category: Ice Cream & Frozen Yogurt

2/12/2009
Milwaukee Frozen Custard is a delightful place that serves up a tasty flavor of the day. The traditional chocolate and vanilla custard has been a staple of theirs but they do manage to draw a crowd with their others flavors. They are reasonably priced and always keep the place clean. I would suggest this as a welcome stop after a day of shopping. Kudos to you Milwaukee Custard. Oh, I take my custard very seriously hence no crazy comments.
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25 S. Quaker LaneAlexandria, VA 22314(703) 778-9663
Rocklands Barbeque
Category: Barbeque

2/12/2009
It's the year 2120 and the Earth has been struck by a meteor which wiped out 95% of its population. The remaining survivors crawled from beneath the ashes to find out that their families and friends were instantly BBQ'd Rocklands provided the BBQ sauce. Finally ...world peace. Pass the napkins and drag Grandpa over here.
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5239 Duke StAlexandria, VA 22304(703) 751-9266
Shooter McGee's
Category: Restaurants

2/12/2009
If I was 55, Single, wanted to get layed, and White....I'd be here everyday. But since I am not, I guess it is OK. There is something a bit strange about seeing people who are on the verge of retirement trading spit outside on the patio. This is the spring break hangout for seniors who want to pop their Caltrate pills, throw their depends carelessly into the wind and jump on some blondish gray haired momma with saggy knee skin. oh. Sorry about the mental picture. The food is pretty yummy. Back to the mental image of old people grinding to classic Billy Ocean tunes and his hand creeps up to hold the base of her neck while they kiss. You try to focus eating your fries but you hear what sounds like new sneakers squeaking on a linoleum floor as he strokes her 1980 Beta test model breast implants. You gag. Check please.
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6500 Springfield MallSpringfield, VA 22150(703) 971-3600
Springfield Mall
Category: Shopping Centers

2/12/2009
The Best Place to get kidnappedI grew up in a tough neighborhoodso I am not afraid of teenagers in gangs.What I am afraid of is telling someone to meet me here.I can't have my grandma pistol whipped in the parking lot.This place is a dump. The only way that it could be worse is if there was a bridge that connected it to Landmark Mall.I have too words that would improve the mall.IM-PLODE.
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10414 Auto Park AveBethesda, MD 20817(301) 365-9300
5 Guys
Category: Fast Food

2/11/2009 First to Review
Now this review isn't about 5 Guys across the board. It's is about THIS particular 5 Guys. Let me just say that Gone in 60 Seconds isn't just the name of a movie title. I was craving 5 Guys for lunch and I walked over there from my office. The place was clean, the staff friendly, the meat raw. EEERRRT! Raw meat? Well I didn't know it was raw due to all the fixins I put on it. But as soon as I walked out the door I knew something wasn't right. That was the longest walk back to work. I felt my stomach do flips and my forehead perspired. Later that night I stayed up and lets just say that i am now 10lbs lighter. Yes, you too can lose weight on the 5 Guys Diet. From the makers of the Ebola diet comes the spectacular results without the undesired side effects that include your testicles swelling and pealing like over ripened grapefruit. Needless to say, I am not going back in unless I bring my own food inspector.
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305 N Glebe RdArlington, VA 22203(703) 522-6666
Ravi Kabob House
Category: Pakistani

2/11/2009
ooh Ravi Kabob. How I love thee My job ordered you for a Christmas party and now whenever someone says those for words "RAVI KABOB" my mouth just pools with saliva. Your chickpea goodness your tender lambniciousness. Sure my breath stank and my girl refused to have sex with me, but who would want your sloppy seconds after you sodomized my mouth with your tasty spices. Until next we meat, and the next time I eat. Love Always Wiz
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1523 22nd St NWWashington, DC 20037(202) 293-1885
Brickskeller
Categories: Nightlife, Restaurants

2/11/2009
You like Cheese? You like Beer? Like Beer more than you like cheese? Then say it with me. BRICKSKELLER You like bread? You like DC? You Like bread more than you like DC? Say it to your momma...BRICKSKELLER! You like late nights? You like ordering food that is on the menu but is out of stock? Do you like ordering food that is out of stock late nights? Tell your Rabbi! BRICKSKELLER! I haven't been since I was a judge for Washingtonpost's beer madness in 2007 (PROOF:http://www.washingtonp...) but the best thing about that night is I can barely remember that night until after I left. So if it sucks now I couldn't tell ya. But it was the bees elbows when I went.
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3100 Clarendon BlvdArlington, VA 22201(703) 527-1600
Mister Days Sport Rock Cafe
Category: Restaurants

2/11/2009
Mister Days: A Bards TaleIt was a dark and stormy night, and I was bored as hell. I was at my job and all seemed well. I forwarded the phones to ring my cell and headed down Wilson, straight to hell. I got to the door just in the nick of time. before some drunk chicks started getting in line I nodded at one and she thought it was a sign I think she was out of her mind. The doorman was tall, balding and skinny He asked me all tough, "let me see your ID" I asked what's the cover and he said it was free that's when I started to worry. I went inside and the place was packed I saw lots of college girls and guys from their frat There were a few Asians, some Latinos scattered in back and maybe 3 or 4 dudes who were black The music was wack and the DJ was weak he played ABBA so loud I couldn't hear myself speak the line was a mile long for me to take a leak Mister Days is far past its peak. So I headed for the door, head starting to hurt Some drunk tween grabs a hold of my shirt "You're kinda cute" as she lifts up her skirt Her breath smelled like her ass burped So I went back to work feeling dismayed Only those with no life who want an easy lay stayed I couldn't get over the music they played If I go again I'm sure to get AIDSThank You Thank You Mister DaysFor all the Money that I will saveThank You Thank You Mister DaysI'd rather give birth to a flaming porcupine than come yer way.
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7000 Arundel Mills CirHanover, MD 21076(866) 731-9313
Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament
Categories: Arts & Entertainment, Restaurants

2/11/2009
I woke up after playing some Dungeons and Dragons with my friends and was seriously hungry. Since my 9th level cleric was killed in the Tower of Amber because I failed to cure wounds on myself and my War Hammer +1 against undead +3 against elementals was dropped in to the pit of ever-fall, I had to roll a new character. 9 Strength 17 Intelligence 13 Wisdom 10 Dexterity 13 Constitution 12 Charisma It was obvious that I should be a Wizard, but I needed inspiration. We drove out to MD to see a battle. We were a bit late for the show as we decided to do a hybrid cos-play and some LARPING. My boffer sword is totally awesome. The show commenced and I was totally for the Red Knight because he looks like he can also cast magic. There must have been a dispel magic enchantment cast on me because magic missile failed to activate, so we blew the paper from our straws in to the fray. I shouted to the red knight and told him to never give up as the Squires of the Crimson Moon where in the hizzouse. He looked puzzled as I think he is not a charter member. I ate my chicken and drank my Pepsi from my chalice and continued to cast a silence spell on the King. This will distract him from giving orders. It didn't work well because he was using a lapel mic. Damned technology! The show was great, and the knights came out afterwards to take pictures. I didn't want my picture taken as it steals away some of the power of my north-face jacket of protection. Don't laugh, it's true. Well, next time I will bring my kid, he might like it, but then again he never make any of his saving throws. Blessings to all that go there and may Chalandralear Protect you with his holy righteousness.
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4704 Mission StSan Francisco, CA 94112(415) 337-1678
Bottom's Up
Category: Bars Neighborhood: Excelsior

2/11/2009
I am so glad I came here to read the reviews. A few years back some friends and I wandered in here. One guy kept hitting on another of my guy friends. We walked outside and read the name of the place and thought it was a gay bar. I bet he will sleep better now that we know it isn't. Oh....the place is just OK. 3 starers.
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1300 Pennsylvania Ave NWWashington, DC 20004(202) 216-0699
Smoothie King
Categories: Ice Cream & Frozen Yogurt, Health Markets

2/11/2009
As all of my friends and family know, I am 75% composed of smoothie. I like Smoothie King in general but ever since they raised their prices I have not been a fan. They even changed the layout of their wall menu. Well Smoothie King, you have no been demoted to Smoothie Duke. Dukey Smoothie.Yuck, dookie smoothie? That doesn't sound right. OK, you are still the King, but the king of a small nation with no good television stations, transportation system, or public facilities. New Jersey Smoothies...that's what you should be called.
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5926 Kingstowne Towne CtrAlexandria, VA 22315(703) 921-5220
Pasara Thai Restaurant
Category: Thai

2/11/2009
You can't deny the power of Pad Thai. Oh, you think you can? Well who the heck do you think you are? You think you can just walk past Pasara and act like the Pad Thai isn't just sitting in there.... calling you. Hoping that you come in to taste it? It just wants to be eaten. Then there is the drunken noodle. Sitting on that plate, looking so sexy. It's spicy flavors just calling out to me like a wounded wolf in the night. "Hooooowl. I am spicy. Hoooowl..someone bit me." Oh yes Pasara. You have won me over. But you...you McDonald's lover. You Burger King fornicator. You think that you can abuse your stomach with garbage and deny it the yummy taste of basil, curry, and shrimp? Well my friend. You are wrong! Huger pains in the morning while going to the gym wrong.
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1835 18th St NWWashington, DC 20050(202) 387-0035
Lauriol Plaza
Categories: Mexican, Latin American Neighborhood: Dupont Circle

2/11/2009
Every time I come here I order something delicious, but when I leave I can't recall what it was. All I can remember is the chips and salsa. It's fun if you sit outside and feed the birds and you will never guess what they want. You got it, Chips and Salsa. The restaurant is in a pretty cool neighborhood, even though there are some shady spots around. Some guy ran up on me and cornered me. "Hey Man, gimme some chips and salsa" he said. All in all, it is a nice place to hang out, have some good drinks, and deal with the B+ wait staff. Parking is limited but you can always park on the street. It's funny because the parking meters in front of the restaurant only take............drum roll please..... Coins. What? You didn't think I was that corny did ya?But you know what is corny? The chips, the ones you put their salsa on.
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5910 Kingstowne Towne CenterAlexandria, VA 22315(703) 822-4956
Regal Kingstowne 16
Category: Cinema

2/6/2009
This theater would be great if there was a laser that liquefied all the teenagers in the theater before the trailers came on. If they got a handle on all the rowdy kids, then maybe I would give it 4 stars. But for now, when I sit to watch a movie, I smell bubble gum perfume, sk8ter kid sweat, drool from the mouth breathing braces kids and Clearasil. I know I was a teenager once, but then I evolved.
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3925 Jefferson Davis HwyAlexandria, VA 22305(703) 548-9393
Hair Cuttery
Category: Barbers

2/6/2009
I went to Hair Cuttery once. I guess because I couldn't find an old fashioned barber shop. The ladies that worked there were friendly from the door. "Hello Sir" they said as I came through the door. I looked at how clean and well lit the place was. I felt at ease instantly. I said, "I'd like to get a shape up or maybe a light fade." They looked at me as if I was from the planet Saturn and said, "Uh, what's that?"All of a sudden it hit me as she approched with a pair of scissors instead of hair clippers. They don't cut Black Men's hair. I mean, isn't Hair Cuttery a franchise? Don't they have to get some sort of training. There is nothing mysterious about my hair texture. I was dissapointed. Hair Cuttery, do not think you are going to shape up any black men's hair with scissors. We don't want to look like Isaac from the Love Boat.
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7617 Ogontz AvePhiladelphia, PA 19150(215) 549-1646
Pagano's Steaks
Category: Sandwiches Neighborhood: West Oak Lane

2/5/2009
Pagano's is a place for people who want a real cheese-steak. Don't think of going down to South Philly for a tourist steak. I am from the city and I only go there to see what new pictures are placed on their walls. I mean, who really wants cheese whiz on a cheese-steak? Yuck. Don't be fooled by the "low grade meat" talk. If you want top sirloin chopped up and delicately placed in sour dough roll or focaccia with dill and sun dried tomato, I think you should walk blind folded across broad street twenty times. This is Philly. The city where you can gain 4lbs by drinking the tap water. If you get a chance, go to Pagano's and order. Pound for pound it is one of the better steak shops.
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Back Again

2009-07-09T09:15:00.004-04:00

OK, that didn't last long. I have been spending some of my time on a site called Yelp.
It was fun for a bit.
Yelp is a business review site that allows it's users to post reviews of restaurants, shops or just rant.

I met some cool people, but the admin staff is a bit to stuffy for my liking.
I am going to drag my content over here. It's a little crazy and out there, but I enjoy my craziness more than others do.

Enjoy reading.

You may wonder why I opened my blog again.
Well, first and foremost, I want Madeline to continue to read it.
I don't have any secrets, so why close out my blog.
I keep forgetting that part of my salvation was opening myself up.
When I am too private, I cut out so many people.

I am who I am.
Accept it or ....uh.....accept it.
I can't be who others would like me to be.
I gotta be me man (Sammy Davis Jr impression)

Formative and Free

2009-06-18T09:57:00.002-04:00

It's about time I got back to writing just for me.
Who knows. Maybe one day I will allow others to view my blog
but for right now. This is mine mine mine.
No need to censor for who reads it. Best of all, I don't have to worry about what I say getting
back to others.
Keep it secret and keep it safe.

That's all for now

In it but not of it

2009-05-29T09:51:00.000-04:00

I am going to let you in on a big secret.
God has sent me to you.

It's alright to pause and think about that for a moment.
You may have some questions, but please, let's take those first few questions that you have
out of your mind.
Those initial questions are the ones that veil the truth.
We will answer those questions last because pulling back the curtain
and looking at the truth first will help us understand why the truth is a secret.

So, here is the truth that I am to deliver.
God knows you even when you feel that you are still discovering who you are or what you are supposed to do.
Your job is to keep moving and let God and life direct. You were given a sense of right and wrong.
Things will happen in your life that will test you, which is the way of this world. There is a reason for the suffering and joy.
You wont be happy always and you wont be sad always.
When your body dies, the lessons that you learned will be applied elsewhere.

So now that I have delivered the message.

Here are the questions that you may have asked.
"So, who am I or who do I think I am?"
"Why should I care, if I do care at all?"
"Who are you?"
"How does this help me?"

I will try my best to answer.
Just as we have given names to stars and planets that some of us have never seen,
and we are taught that we evolved or were created by a higher being, we must search within ourselves for truth. We must shut out all of the distractions of the world, find silence and listen to the voice within us. As we read these words, is the voice that narates the lines your voice?
We have consciousness, we have dreams, we have fears and desires that drive our actions daily.
We get so caught up in life that we forget to live. Take a second or two to look around you and realize that none of what you see matters in the big picture. The tools that we use to create will become archaic and obsolete. Our cutting edge technology will be seen by future generations as ancient and irrelevant. With all this, we will not fade, because we are here in the now, and the now makes tomorrow. When our tomorrows are no more and we have only hours, minutes, seconds left to decide how to appreciate the legacy that we have left, if any, then shall we move on. If not, we shall return or drift. Know now that as you read this, you have returned. Get it right this time.
As far as who I am. I was a messenger this time.
And you?
You are now the messenger.
Let someone in on a big secret.
God has sent you to them.

Some people want nothing

2009-05-15T10:05:00.002-04:00

I was thinking of how I could write down my feelings about a friend of mine.
I was thinking about pulling punches, but that is what people have been doing with him
for more than 15 years. There have been the ones close to him that have not pulled punches and told him what his is doing to life, and yet nothing changes. He knows that, we know that and one day we'll have to say goodbye to each other.

Sherman DeCarlo Ball
I don't think you want anything out of life.
Something happened along the way with you.
I don't know what it was exactly, but whatever it was, it spared you and you have every opportunity to get what you'd like to have in your life.
The problem is, you don't want anything.
You owned a car before I did.
You had your own place before I did.
You've had so many things happen that were positive in your life, yet you somehow
find an excuse to do nothing.
Some of us that grew up with you wonder why I keep saying
"What are we going to do about Sherman?"
I felt that they were forgetting that we wouldn't leave one of our own behind.
You want to be left behind.
You find some sort of satisfaction of reminding us how well we are doing and how your life is just going by.
You aren't married. Never have been. You don't have any kids. You don't own property. You don't have a committed job. You don't have anything that is holding you down or back.
If you want to be homeless, why not be homeless in Hawaii?
Why not go somewhere that has some sort of benefit for failure an excuses?
I'm sorry, but I can't help you.
I can't spend the mental energy on trying to get you to help yourself.
We both know that I went out on a limb to help you.
Good friends try to help one another and I tried.
All I can do now is just go on with my life, and hope yours goes the way you want it to.
But let there be no mistaking the obvious. You don't try to get anything, because you don't want anything, and that is why you don't have anything.

Good Luck and see you when I see you.

Theora

2009-04-27T12:49:00.003-04:00

As I just typed your name in the title, it rang with such beauty.
You were a beautiful and magnificent person. You've quickly become one of
my all time favorite people. I can't wait to go home to see our picture on my fridge.
You opened up your heart, your life and who you are as a person to me.
You've become my grandma and accepted me as if I were flesh and blood, because really flesh and blood don't matter when it comes to family.
I will always remember those long walks from the trolley stop to home, listening to Sting on my Walkman and hoping to catch you still awake. When I didn't catch you, I'd find a plate of food left on the table for me covered in plastic wrap. It's was like a thanksgiving day plate. We'd sit up and talk about relationships, work and the city.
We'd talk about music and your growing up in the south. I still brag that I know someone who knows Billy Strayhorn, but in reality if I knew Billy Strayhorn, I'd brag that I knew someone who knew you.
I miss you and I am glad that you got to meet my son. I'm sorry that you were in so much pain, but you seemed to shine through what you were going through to say something positive and keep me up beat. My life is better for having you in it.
I am glad that you are at rest, but I am selfish and I know that I'd rather have you where I can talk to you.
I will see you again soon. Just promise me when I do, you'll have some time to sit down and talk to me. I love you Grandma Bailey, or just Grandma for that matter. It's hard for me to write this because I am choking back tears.

Until we meet again
Theora Bailey
Nov 24 1924 - April 27 2009

Relic of Child Rearing

2009-04-27T09:32:00.003-04:00

The things that you learn and were taught as child, that seemed normal are not so when you get older.
Some of it is generational, geographical, religious, and culture, but these lessons or values shift.

I was raised in a time when you listened to adult relatives, you did what you were told (or at least gave the impression that you were doing or about to do it) and you had respect for those around you and for yourself.

It's strange how today I can understand how those old bitter racists feel in today's liberal and mixed world. I don't agree with their thinking by no means, but I understand the alienation of how a world in which they were the norm, now sees them as the hated outsider. I don't believe that I am hated but I think that my thoughts are common sense. I don't trust what is fed to me just because someone tells me to trust them. I like to find out answers on my own and ask more than one person. I was taught to gather as much information as I could, then make my own decision. Right or wrong, at least I tried to make the best decision possible.

I am thinking about Isaac today. He's been sick for a long time and it is really wearing on him. I am only concerned about his well being in the long run.
I was definitely raised in a fashion that was different from my parents up bringing, yet some things remain for the old school of parenting. For better or worse, I think I am pretty normal.
I was beat as a child. I wouldn't say spanked, because you know a spank is one or two swats.
My dad didn't do the beating (on me) as much as my mom did. I knew when I was going to get beat. It was either because I blatantly didn't do what she asked or just tried to make my own rules. Children will test their parents.
I decided not to beat my son. What can be learned from physically hurting them? After all the years promising to protect them, be turn around a beat them for something that can be handled with a look and a tone. I was more afraid of my dad's look and my moms tone that the belt. The belt just hurt and left whelps on my legs. It didn't change my mind, just how comfortable I slept.
I believe in time outs too, but not in the sense that the child gets to do something own their own. That go to your room stuff doesn't work. I am more like a "sit right here and don't make a sound." type of guy.
I also believe that children don't need what they want when they want it. Children also don't own anything. That whole "MINE MINE MINE" doesn't fly with me. Kids need to learn how to share and more importantly how to let things go. We try to acquire so many things from our own childhood that we can't let go. Our entire adulthood is used trying to recapture childhood. Which in actuality only lasts maybe 5-8 years.
It's OK for parents to show affection to a child. I was doing some reading and many people saw it as strange for a parent to kiss, let alone on the lips. This may be more cultural that anything.
I kissed my mom and dad until I reached a certain age. I am pretty sure I kissed my mom on the mouth when I was a child and I know my dad kissed me because his beard was scratchy. My dad actually kissed my brothers and I on the cheek until we were teens. I don't see anything wrong with it. I guess some folks can't separate a kiss from sexual act to an act of affection or greeting. I suggest that people travel the world a bit. Kisses mean something different to various cultures around the world.
Guitar, Karate, Swimming, Piano.
Lessons. Kids have lots of interests depending on where they are and what they are exposed to.
I am the only child in my immediate family to play an instrument. My brother used to play trumpet but he quit for his own reasons. My parents never told me to keep it up, to quit or anything regarding playing an instrument. I knew it was something that I wanted to do.
I talk to adults who have regrets that their parents didn't push them more. Some parents see their children as capable of making decisions, but these decisions will effect the rest of their lives. If Isaac tells me that he is interested in an activity and then decides to quit, I just wont let him quit without asking him why and trying to get to the real reason. Fear, doubt, or just not the right fit are some of the reasons. Quiting just to quit builds the habit of quiting and you waste time and desire for other things. Sometimes one activity leads you closer to what you really have a passion for. So instead of quiting, move on with the skills you learned.

I saw something amazing by the way this weekend. Someone who said they had no musical talent hopped on drums and within the hours was doing what he would say only days prior was impossible. Belief in one's self moves mountains.

I am here to mentor and guide Isaac through life. I will teach him my lessons learned and protect him from the seen and unseen harms of the world. Lately I've been made to feel like the villain for doing what I think is right, but I can only do what I think is right for him. I try to help build his self esteem, confidence, strength, compassion, and awareness. Days that I am made to feel like the enemy I feel like quiting, but then I have to ask myself. Why would I quit?
I am fighting and working to make him the best that he can be. If I am completely wrong, then I'll let Isaac and God judge that.

To my Girl Friends

2009-04-24T15:45:00.005-04:00

Growing up I had lots of friends.
My brothers were my original friends and then came my cousins.
I guess I always wanted a sister, to protect, share ideas and get insight in to the other half.
Women have always seemed to be a mystery and a sister could tell me things that a mom couldn't. Plus, it meant she would probably bring home her own set of girlfriends that I could have a crush on or even better, who would secretly like me.
Well, I never did get that sister.
But I did find my guy friends vanishing and I developed relationships with girls I went to school with.
With the guys, it was always conversations about games, television, movies or girls. With the girls I could talk about God, family, relationships. Those things that had deeper substance. I guess when you are 14 years old, no guy friend wants to hear about how you feel about having a family some day. Instead we just talked about what someones mom looked like. It was fun but not all that I guess I was looking for out of a friendship.

Unfortunately I did happen to become friends with people that either liked me, I liked or friends of the family. The ones that liked me, they eventually got to know me and decided that I am way too crazy to actually date. We became good friends after that realization. The ones that I did like, I either dated for a long time, went on one date or talked to on the telephone for hours. It makes me wonder if men and woman can truly be friends without there being some sort of attraction there.
I have to say no. There is going to be some attraction there. Even if it is for 30 seconds. Just like you find guy friends, there is some sort of commonality that brings you together. The commonality between men and women usually is compatible body parts. Physicality plays a role in men and women friendships.
However, it takes more than physicality and sexual attraction to keep any relationship alive.
So the ones that I did make my friends after dating and having an interest in, we remain good friends. Acting on any impulses would dissolve an honest friendship.
Some people tamper with the idea of "what if" and wonder what it would be like if they dated their friend. That whole looking for a lover who is your friend first is not always the best way to go. You want to be able to tell your friend anything that is on your mind, and you can't always do that with an intimate lover.

I have plenty of women that are friends. Some with varying scenarios, but after crossing that line a true friendship wont happen. I need them to play that friend role more than anything.
I can tell that they appreciate the honest advice I give to them because I truly have their best interest at heart and I in no way want to manipulate them.

I had a friend in college named Pam. Now Pam was introduced to me by my cousins girlfriend at the time. I guess she had it in her head that since she was dating my cousin, Pam and I could hook up and that meant we could double date. Well, I did exchange numbers with her. We talked a bit on the telephone and we decided to hang out in front of the library where my cousin and I could always be found. She came through with some friends and somehow we started cutting up on each other. Pam took the liberty to direct her jokes at me. I think she took it too far and from then on out I put her in the friend zone. I was a bit sensitive back then, but oh well, that was back in 1991. She called me in 2007 and told me that she had wondered why we never got together and I told her the story. All throughout that time we had been friends but she was holding on to the thought that one day we'd be together. I told he she needs to let that go. Some things just wont happen. She is married with a baby girl. I don't hear from her at all, which is probably for the best. I feel like she was never really a true friend if she was carrying a torch.

I just expect that if you are really my friend, there shouldn't be any motive behind it. You can care about someone without having anything to gain from caring except the good feeling you get.
To my Girl Friends, I hope you know that I care about you and I don't expect anything other than feeling good about your successes in life.

Keep playing your music and taking care of your daughter. You are capable of anything that you dream. All things are related. If you speak it, it comes in to realization and then in to manifestation. Just say what you want out loud and be amazed by how fast it comes.

Keep following your heart and making a difference in the lives of children.(It's good practice for when you have your own as one day you will) Continue being an advocate of peace, except for when you are stuck in traffic. Real love is out there for you. Don't settle for what they are selling. You'd be more selective if you had less love to give.

Your Strength is amazing and I am shocked how you display much more patience than I would. You put your kids first as you should, just don't forget yourself in the process. Life is for living, not living in fear and doubt.

Challenges arise. You always meet them head on. Sometimes when you find your partner, you are thrust in to the leadership role. Don't be afraid to lead with no questions or apologies. Your baby girl needs that from you.

I know you want to continue our friendship because we always said we would. We made many sacrifices for us to be happy apart. It paid off because we both are. We do have a friendship. It's a silent one. There's no need to advertise it

Kitty, thank you for being my friend and more. I am sure if I die and go to Heaven there will be a bill waiting for me saying that I never paid for your delivery. All I can do is show you on the daily how grateful I am.

Before you close your eyes for the final time

2009-04-23T11:09:00.002-04:00

I always wondered how some people say that they haven't been dancing, gone out to a drive in movie, or went camping in years.
How in the world do we get so wrapped up in our daily routine that we forget why we live and the things that make us happy?
I honestly can't tell you the last time I climbed a tree or was in a water balloon fight, but thanks to my son, I am sure those activities are slowly approaching from the horizon.

I invite everyone to take a look at their lives. Life is long, depending on how you live it. But if your life is worthwhile and meaningful, then even a short life is a full life. A friend of mine who gift is to bring me back in to reality reminded me of what I am and where I am. Living life with regrets and making excuses to satisfy and gratify others is not in fact living your life. It is living someone else's.

Be honest about what you want in life. Seek it and grasp it when you can. Not all of us can live daily with selfish motives, but do take the time to share and enjoy some of the things that make you life plentiful with yourself and others.
Love, laughter, travel, music, food, silence, heartfelt discussions on fear and hope.

Before your life is over, try to live it.

That Feeling

2009-04-21T15:40:00.002-04:00

How would a rock Singer describe that feeling of thousands of fans screaming his name?
How would a famous actor describe the sound of encore from behind the curtain?
How does a race car driver share what he felt crossing the finish line first, for the first time?

When I walk in to daycare to pick up Isaac something happens.

I see him sitting on his teacher's lap.
I walk closer and then he sees me.
His body becomes stiff and he straightens out so they know he wants to get down.
He shows this eight tooth smiles, lowers his head and crawls as fast as he can to me.
And I don't mean crawling at a moderate pace either He puts his all in to getting over to me as fast as he can.
Just then when he's right on the brink of arms reach, he stops, raises his arms and smiles more.
I pick him up and he smiles,and buries his head in my shoulder and looks it me from the corner of his eye and occasionally smiles.

I don't know how to describe the feeling except that there is no feeling like it.
It pales anything that I have ever felt. It's a different kind of love.
It's a pure love that you get from them and it reflects back to them from you.
It affirms my decision to be a parent.
It renews my hope in the world.
It confirms the existence of a higher being.
It destroys who I was and
illuminates who I am.
I see all the good of everything in him.
It's good to be innocent and witnessing true innocence is beautiful.

She Likes me, She really really likes me.

2009-04-16T15:49:00.003-04:00

Today I woke up staring at the moon, shining brightly behind the sheer curtains that we put in our bedroom. I wasn't feeling too great last night. My immune system has been getting its arse handed to him. I went to bed early and Maddie took care of Isaac while I shuddered and coughed. But this morning I felt new.

The morning went along pretty well. Isaac woke up happy which is a relief because he was suffering from dual ear infections. Today he had an appointment with the Ear Nose and Throat doc. I went and picked him up from daycare and Maddie was to meet me in front of the doctors office. This two car thing is working out great. Only bad part is that I have to make payments, but who doesn't. Anyway, I pulled up to the doc's office, get the now sleeping baby out and head to front door. Madeline beeps the horn as she sees us going in. Isaac immediately reaches out for her as we all go in. I am too busy checking her out because she is wearing this killer black dress with some leather boots. She knows how to rock some boots.

Here is the fun part. We are sitting in the doctors office and I have to fill out the medical form. I sit back down and Madeline has this look on her face. It's playful but there is something behind it. I ask her what is wrong and she says something to the fact that I think the girl behind the desk was cute.
I felt warm. Not a still sick warm feeling, but more like a 'I can't believe this gorgeous woman is worried about me looking at some so so chick."
I think most men would find the girl behind the desk attractive, but I didn't. No do to her looks, but I am more attracted by what people say or do not say.
I overheard the girl behind the counter saying something rude to a telephone customer, place him on hold and begin to tease him and talk about him to co-workers. You know, typical ugly behavior.
Madeline has nothing to worry about at all.
In fact, I think she has changed the type of woman that I am attracted to.
I know it may seem unrealistic but she has raised the bar so high. I think that I have found it all.
We are talking about a guy who just got divorced who is thinking about taking the plunge again, and I never wanted to get married EVER!

So unless a woman can:
make me laugh until I almost vomit
be my best friend almost instantly
flood my mind and body with emotions with a look
and have a heart that accepts people for who they are

I am not interested in the slightest.

Oh, and they have to have red hair and give birth with no anesthetics.

I still can't believe that I sleep next to her and we have a son together. I am really lucky or it was my turn to win the lottery in love. Mega-millions baby.

My advice to those out there who have a special someone. There will always be someone taller, sexier, smarter, richer, but there is no one better.

Ah....Blogger

2009-04-15T09:25:00.004-04:00

Yes, I've been missing for a while. So much has happened. I won't go in to all the details but here is a run down ya since I have been out of the loop. I really haven't posted anything since last year. That is not to say that I haven't made the attemp to blog. I have plenty of draft.
You know what? I will go finish out my thoughts on those drafts then get back to this message. It should only take a second.

See I told you it would be quick. So you have some reading to do.
Well to catch you up.

11/08: Left the Dept Of Commerce and was benched.
12/08 Went to the National Institute of Health. There was no work to do or access.
1/09: Still no work at NIH and no access. Found out some shady things about my job.
2/09: I have access. Word on the street is they are letting people go.
3/09: Was layed off but was happy to be out of my current job situation.
4/09: Really like new job. Bought new car. Keeping it moving.

See, that is what has been going on with me.
Oh, and I put together a new band.
Yeah...I know Music and I = Married with children.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

2009-01-29T13:15:00.003-05:00

Friendship

Friend"ship\, n.

1. The state of being friends; friendly relation, or attachment, to a person, or between persons; affection arising from mutual esteem and good will; friendliness; amity; good will.

There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity. --Rambler.

2. Kindly aid; help; assistance, [Obs.]

3. Aptness to unite; conformity; affinity; harmony; correspondence. [Obs.]

So there lies the dictionary definition.
Can someone who does not actively participate in your life be called a friend?
Does friendship expire?
Some family members can become friends, just as friends can become family.
As we get older, we see that that our circle of who we may call friends changes.
There are some new additions as well as losses. Some people that were known since childhood are now filed under stranger.
It is sad, but what else did I expect when I am not that great of a friend as well?

American Leadership

2009-01-21T12:34:00.003-05:00

George Washington (1789–1797)
John Adams (1797–1801)
Thomas Jefferson (1801–1809)
James Madison (1809–1817)
James Monroe (1817–1825)
John Quincy Adams (1825–1829)
Andrew Jackson (1829–1837)
Martin Van Buren (1837–1841)
William Henry Harrison (1841)
John Tyler (1841–1845)
James Knox Polk (1845–1849)
Zachary Taylor (1849–1850)
Millard Fillmore (1850–1853)
Franklin Pierce (1853–1857)
James Buchanan (1857–1861)
Abraham Lincoln (1861–1865)
Andrew Johnson (1865–1869)
Ulysses Simpson Grant (1869–1877)
Rutherford Birchard Hayes (1877–1881)
James Abram Garfield (1881)
Chester Alan Arthur (1881–1885)
Stephen Grover Cleveland (1885–1889)
Benjamin Harrison (1889–1893)
William McKinley (1897–1901)
Theodore Roosevelt (1901–1909)
William Howard Taft (1909–1913)
Thomas Woodrow Wilson (1913–1921)
Warren Gamaliel Harding (1921–1923)
John Calvin Coolidge (1923–1929)
Herbert Clark Hoover (1929–1933)
Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1933–1945)
Harry S. Truman (1945–1953)
Dwight David Eisenhower (1953–1961)
John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1961–1963)
Lyndon Baines Johnson (1963–1969)
Richard Milhous Nixon (1969–1974)
Gerald Rudolph Ford (1974–1977)
James Earl Carter, Jr. (1977–1981)
Ronald Wilson Reagan (1981–1989)
George Herbert Walker Bush (1989–1993)
William Jefferson Clinton (1993–2001)
George Walker Bush (2001–2009)
Barack Hussein Obama (2009- )

My Story

2008-11-24T09:31:00.004-05:00

If there was a play written about your life, would anyone go to see it?
Would you go to see it?
Would it be comedy or tragedy?
I was thinking about this as I sat at my desk this morning.
My life has been and will always be crazy bea....
Ah, I can't use that one, it's taken.
My life has always been, well, my life.
The people that I have met have been an influence, but you can't fit in every single person in a play about your life.
There has to be a central theme. A lesson learned. A great love lost and found.
There has to be laughter, and moments where you thought it was over.
It has to be entertaining to some degree.

As I go on in my life, I see that there are defining moments and stages of growth that I like to call chapters. We will get in to that a bit more later.
Let's start with the good stuff. Who would be cast to play the role of Aaron Marshall Miller?

I thought about some great actors and I realize that there is no one who is qualified to play my role. I may not even be qualified to play myself because I am not sure I would capture who I truly am consciously.
So instead I think I shall be played by a 5 foot tall block of wood.
I'll explain soon enough.
Different chapters of my life contain different cast members. Some are fixed while others appear and fade.
Main Cast and why chosen:

Mom: Alfre Woodard (Not for looks, but acting chops)
Dad: Lawrence Fishbourne (Combination of looks and acting)
Mart: Wesly Snipes (Slight looks, acting, and style)
Kerwin: Terrance Howard (More acting than looks)
Madeline: Marcia Cross (Hair color mostly. No one looks like Madeline except Madeline)
Isaac: A tiny block of Redwood (Combination of Me and Madeline)

Supporting Cast:
Grandma: Cicely Tyson (Acting ability)
Cecelia: Della Reese (A Younger Version)
Mima: Angelina Jolie (Looks and personality)

There are many people that I didn't include, but that isn't the point. Those that I did include are there because they helped change the way I see the world, myself, or presented some great challenges.
During the play, they would interect with me, or shall I say the block of wood. They would respond to it as if it spoke to them and said something funny or sad. They would while talking to me, they'd chisel a part of me away and keep it with them. Some of them have more of me than others, while some made delicate stroke, carving at a crucial point that helps to define me.
I am very lucky as my life seem to be a musical comedy.
I am lucky to have loved more people that hated.
Inspired more than depressed.
There seems to be an ongoing theme presented in my story.
We all are being shaped by those around us, and the work they do on us, we in turn help define and shape them.

Fame, I want to live forever

2008-11-17T13:27:00.003-05:00

I took a few seconds to think while I ate the top off of a cranberry orange muffin, which by the way could easily replace crack.
If it came down to it I would break into someone’s house and sell their toaster oven for another one. Luckily, I am not that desperate.
Uh, eh hem, back to subject.
Something prompted me to hum the melody of the hit Irene Cara song Fame.
I thought about my family and the relationships that we individually built and I do feel famous. Not in the sense that I can get a discount at any shoe store or mobbed by cameras, but in the way that I feel around certain family.

I remember walking in to my Aunt's store and she made me feel as if I had special privileges. She would offer sweets to my brother and I, even though I thought it was polite to decline everything offered to me. I don't know where I picked that habit up but it remains to this day.
I think about my family and how we'd mention someone by first name and no one had to ask "which one"? We were all unique in our methods and madness. We all possess certain personality traits visible by one or many persons that "know" us.

I remember my brother and I being the "Gremlins" even though I wouldn't have considered that I was a mischievous child. I just remember sharing one name with my brother as we were both called Martinaaron since I shadowed him everywhere.
My next role was the quiet, shy, nature loving Aaron. My greatest and longest running role was socially awkward boy. Being super skinny and toting a trombone everywhere didn't help me to break out of that type cast, so I had to leave state to
develop further. I dabbled with becoming the comic who said funny things, then to the comedian who said things funny. Then to the outspoken guy who just said whatever he was thinking without any regard of consequence.

After playing several roles, I had an opportunity to be around family again. I thought I would have scared them a bit because those that watched my growth along the way didn't warn everyone else. I realized that all the elements that I thought I had discovered away from home were home all along.
I have my moms nurturing, spiritual & creative side. My fathers humor, insight, and diplomatic side. Many of my facets are drawn from my brothers because we all share a fun loving, analytical, thought probing and imaginative spirit.
The influence from my extended family sank in there as well as I found similarities to all of them on some level. Each one of us plays a role when we get together and some seem to race for their preferred script as soon as we great one another.
There’s the loud and boisterous, to the strategic thinker, to the observer. There's the culinary magician, to the conversation starter. There's the over emotional and the one who seems a bit recluse. We've all gotten awards from one another, made our acceptance speeches in one shape of form and we are all in a sense famous within our circle.
So, who am I to them and what role do I play? They could only tell you how I behaved from what they have witnessed. Luckily we define who we really are as it may change from day to day, but everyone morning I wake up and I am still me regardless of what script I am reading. I wonder what role my son will play. I don't want to box him in and say this is who you are because this is what you've done. I will instead just sit back and enjoy the Isaac show and since he is from me, I guess I will live forever.

The Media

2008-11-17T09:47:00.005-05:00

What goes in to print these days never ceases to amaze me.
With all the technological advances, all the true stories of courage
and heroism, all the moments that define life, some one still thinks that
bad news is good news.
I wish I could have a good news channel. When you get tired of hearing about bombs
and rising oil prices, you could sit back and hear stories ranging from what little Timmy did at school today to the humanitarian efforts made in central Africa. Even with all the really bad news out there, the only thing that gets printed is who is dating who, and who got caught in a scandal.
What is this, Junior High School?!
You'd think so. Lets open up a page on Yahoo and see what is New(s)

Somali pirates seize supertanker loaded with crude

My favorite part of the story is:
"Somali pirates are trained fighters, often dressed in military fatigues, using speedboats equipped with satellite phones and GPS equipment. They are typically armed with automatic weapons, anti-tank rockets launchers and various types of grenades."
I would pay money to hear one of them say, "ARRRR Pass me muh GPS."
Pirates don't have GPS. They Have Parrots.

Here is another favorite.
Goldman Sachs CEO, six leaders give up 2008 bonuses

They should retitled this one, "Super Wealthy Execs decide not to add extra gravy to their seasoned red skin mash potatoes and only have one glass of vintage 1920's Chardonnay"

*Sigh*
When will they learn that old news isn't? We spent all that time learning to read, but it is up to us to seek out information. What comes for free is just rubbish. I am starting to believe that a large amount of people want to be lead. I guess if they didn't exist, their wouldn't be infomercials.
Like the news, you can tell they are trying to appeal to the inner sheep in people.

A bit off topic but here is one of my favorite infomercials.

You can tell he likes her better when she is unconscious.

Oh,and

I'll go halvesies with someone on the bear.

Great Mysteries

2008-11-14T13:12:00.002-05:00

Even into my adulthood there are things that I don't have the answers to.

Ultraviolet Chamber?
When I was 5 or 6 years old, I remember my father coming home from work and taking me for a ride a hospital or clinic. I was told to put on strip down to my underoos, put on some goggles and step in to a chamber with lights. I don't know what for, because my younger brother is the one who had eczema. I had poison ivy once, but I remember the calamine lotion that I had to get slathered in, but as for lit chamber, I don't have a clue why I was there.

My Blood Type.
I still don't know what it is. I've been to the doctors office plenty of times, but I always keep forgetting to ask them what my fricken blood type is.

Anthrax Testing:
Traces of Anthrax were found at my old jobs mail location. Those that handled the mail initially, myself and two others, were sent to a doctors office. The doctor took a look at me and said that I looked fine. I came to find out that the other two people had their nasal passages swabbed and were given something to take. Who knows, maybe I was ok...but how can a doctor know that by looking at me? Something was fishy.

Name Changing:
Many of my family members changed their names, or at least the pronunciation of their names.
I wonder what prompted them to do so. It all seemed to happen within the span of a few years.

Family: Poverty
A large amount of my family lives in poverty. What is up with this generational acceptance of poverty? It almost seems like it is glorified or glamorized. There is nothing attractive about a roach in your radio.

Family: Dispersion
Some of my family have just dropped out of touch. Now it could be that I am out of touch, but when I ask other family what is up with X or Y I get no answers. It's getting to the point that I am not sure who is or is not family.

Randumblogging

2008-11-13T15:59:00.002-05:00

It's been a crazy week so far.

SICK
I got sick, felt better but I got the family sick who in turn got me sick again. So now I can't shake this sniffle that seems to have mutated since I first had it. The next time I get a sniffle, I am hiding in the closet for a week and will ask them to slide food under the door. But I am not a fan of pancakes, which is the only food that could traverse under the door unscathed. So, unless you want pancakes, don't get sick.

SAYINGS:
Do you ever use the words "to throw" as in "I am going to throw on some music" or "I am going to throw a load of laundry on"? Normal huh? Well, just to let you know it sounds very strange when you say " I am just going to throw my son on the floor and get some work done." I laughed at the realization of what was said, then dialed child protective services.

COWORKERS:
People never cease to amaze me. They spend their weekend shopping, buying clothes and hair care products for work. On Monday they wait in the cold for the bus or train, or they bravely deal with the traffic. They walk into the office and stare blankly at a screen and go home. Can you imagine how great this country would be if people actully worked?
I peek my head over cubes to see myspace pages, autotrader sites, and youtube.
I am shocked and appauled. I will more about that later. I have more blogging to do before lunch.

November 4th 2008

2008-11-04T14:44:00.002-05:00

Today the polls opened for the 2008 Presidential Election.
I woke early this morning with the cat ruffling through the sheets to bite my
feet. She does that when it is time to feed her. Blurry eyes focused on the
neon green numbers of the alarm clock. 5:50 something could be made out.
I got up, walked downstairs to feed the cat then hurried along to get ready to vote.
As I made it to the polls I thought about all the things that this election means.
The words making History kept coming to mind.
But what would be so Historic about today?
I wasn't concerned that the numbers of voters may dwarf previous records.
I wasn't even on the First Black President trip that a lot of people are on.
I want it to be Historic because we have a real opportunity to root out corruption
in our country and rebuild our reputation.
Like it or not the United States is a world leader. The world watches us as we are a symbol.
It's not just a Hollywood thing where in America you can be anything that you want to be.
It is true. You can be anything that you want with hard work and it is less likely that you will be killed or persecuted for your belief. There have been many people that died and lost lives to make this country what it.
It's a shame that we as American people have been the victims of those who call themselves citizens, patriots, and leaders.

Remember
The 2000 Election
Remember
September 11
Remember
Abu Ghraib prison
Remember
Enron
Remember
The Axis of Evil
Remember
The Hunt For Saddam
Remember
Stock Market Crash
Remember
The Forclosusres
Remember
Blackwater
Remember
The Hunt for Osama Bin Laden
Remember
John Geoghan convicted of child molestation &
church's role in cover-up
Remember
$350-billion tax-cut in 2003
Remember
Price of Iraq war is about $3.9 billion a month
Remember
David Kay resigns, says there’s no evidence of weapons of mass destruction
Remember
Katrina
Remember
Darfur
Remember
Gay Marriage ban
Remember
Asian Tsunami
Remember
Social Security reform
Remember
California Republican congressman Randy “Duke” Cunningham
resigns after pleading guilty to taking at least $2.4 million in bribes
Remember
Freedom Fries
Remember
Bush uses his veto power for the first time, striking down legislation
that would have expanded the number of stem cell lines available for embryonic research
Remember
REMEMBER
REMEMBER
Your Mother
Your Father
Your Brother
Your Sister
Your Son
Your Daughter
Your Niece
Your Nephew
Your Cousins
Your Friends
Your Uncle
Your Aunt
Your CHOICE
YOUR RIGHT
YOUR HEALTH
YOUR MOMENT
YOUR OPPORTUNITY
YOUR DREAMS
YOUR FUTURE

YOUR VOTE!

your world

Honor

2008-10-31T16:29:00.003-04:00

If I had to say that I had one fear it would be going to hell.

Not the bibical fire and brimstone hell, but the type of hell that I would be constantly reminded why I was there. Frozen still and forced to see and hear the effects of my actions or inaction. I don't want to go, so I try to do the best I can do keeping that fear in mind.
Sure, you can say, well what if there is no heaven or hell.
My answer is "great!" I wouldn't have to worry, I just want to do all I can within reason to ensure a spot before the pearly gates, or more so delete my name from the "Go direcetly to Hell, Do not Pass Hell, Do not Collect $200" list.

Growing up, my parents told us about the 10 commandments. Though shalt not lie stuck in my head the most. Do I lie? HEll yeah, but maybe it's about things that I deem unworthy or that I think are unimportant, or for fun. Jokes if you will. One that that I do take seriously is my word. If I promise something to someone, I try my hardest to deliver. I don't cartwheel where angel's fear to tread to accomplish keeping my goals, but I do try.
I mistakenly gave my word to two people, and those promisses conflict. That was my mistake. Now I have to clean it up, and some people don't understand why I need to follow through.

A promise is Sacred. There aren't too many other things in the world that are.
With a promise, there are no assumtuptions that need to be made. The end result determines the actions taken.

This world is very small

2008-10-31T16:02:00.003-04:00

Have you ever tried to figure out a Sudoku puzzle?
After you have completed a few hundred you will see a pattern
in solving it. Sure the numbers change position and the degree of difficulty varies,
but all in all it comes down to logic, probability and a bit of luck.
The same thing relates to people.

Being the social butterfly that I am I meet many people.
I have to say that I have met the same person several times.
Be it man or woman, living comfortably or struggling, scared or confident,
I have noticed a pattern.
Now I will have to say that at the same time I have found very few that I
have not encountered before. Something about them is familiar as if I’ve known them in one of my past lives and we promised to reconnect when I become a black man. I've been gathering them together as if they are my lost brothers and sisters, fallen from Mt. Olympus.
Maybe I am Venus as a boy, who knows? But what is known is that the few that congregate with and break bread with, we all are intertwined. Our lives, our desires and dreams, they are so similar that we are bound to run in to one another. Some sort of cultural, climatologically beacon is broadcast drawing us all near.
Since that is the case, I believe that we need peace amongst us.
Our bloodlines are so connected, intertwined like a mass of cables and cords of many colors but all serving the same function. Sometime where I end is where you begin, or we just happen to touch at one instance within the coiled sphere.
I can't have dissonance in my life. I long for harmony and discord would only eventually hurt us all.
We are a room full of dominoes. If I fall you may possibly fall because you don't understand what forces toppled me.

Being Completely honest

2008-10-23T16:54:00.002-04:00

I spent a second or so to go through past blogs of mine and felt the need to share.

I am a beleiver that the truth will set you free.
It will set you free because if you speak the truth, then you have a chance to right your wrongs.
I have a couple that I may need to right.

MOMMY:
Ok ok, it's been about 20 some odd years and I am finally coming clean. 5Th grade, there was someone in my class who had something that I wanted. I think it was a comic book or something of that nature. To make a long story short I traded a few of your buffalo head nickels for the comic book. What happened to the book? Who knows, but what I do know is that most of your precious collector coins vanished because I traded them. I am sorry. What prompted me to remember was when I was at the bank this week and I saw these dollar coins. I happen to collect a few and I would be heart broken to find them missing one day. I have $200 dollars and maybe I can get those coins back for you. I hope I can. I am sorry, and I have felt guilty about this for many years. I will try to fix this.

To my family and friends:
We know I am a private person. Well, the reason that I don't let you in on a lot of things IE. my divorce, moving, general life things is because we don't communicate. I am not saying that we can't communicate but we don't make an effort. It becomes this circle. I don't call or visit because you don't call or visit. The commute is the same distance no matter who decided to travel. But I feel that I am one up on a lot of you because I (and my parents) made it a priority to come and see you. I know that I have been at your homes a lot more frequently than you've been to mine. My mom is going through the same thing. Some of you can travel all over to see people but can't make it her direction. It's sad, but don't take it personal if some people get invited to things. It's just that you really never considered that children do grow up and they remember. If you are a friend, then you have to act like it. Friendship is work. Work to maintain it and it will grow and blossom. If you don't water your friendships...they die. I have some friends that I seem never to skip a beat with no matter how long we go without talking. Others...whither and fade away. If you want to be in my life, you have to be actively participating. Same thing goes for me, but I won't keep trying to be in yours if you show no interest. It's nothing personal, it's just life.

About the X:
I know that each relationship has three sides with only one of them being the truth.
In anger we all say and do things we regret and that aren't reflective of who we truly are.
No relationship starts off completely bad and there is something that each person wants.
Attention, money, love, freedom. Something.
The X isn't by far a bad person. She wanted freedom. She has told me many times that she went from her father's house to a relationship. I think I was in it because I wanted someone to protect that needed me. It was that kind of relationship for a long time. We played off of it for a while until I realized I was tired of that and she realized that she liked using me as a crutch. I blamed her for things out of her control as she did me. She is a great person, just not the person that I needed to marry. I think we had serous doubts in the beginning and would always talk about us ending. It's funny how God is listening. NOTE: WATCH OUT WHAT YOU ASK FOR. YOU WILL DEFINITELY GET IT. In all honesty, I wasn't the best husband. In the beginning I had great intentions but I never learned how to forgive her for things from our dating period. I know I can hold a grudge even though I forgive and move past it in behavior, but back in my mind I hold on to it. All the lessons learned from my 10 years on and off with her made me a better person. I hope she accomplishes all of her goals and I know that there is someone out there better suited for her. Too bad $20K and many years gone by were needed for us to learn that. I tend to drive people crazy as time goes on, because I wasn't happy with who I was. I am happier now....but I am trying harder to curb some old habits. So if it sounded like I dogged her out in my postings, my personal conversations etc etc, it's because that is from my point a view. In truth, she is a great human being...with flaws just like all of us.

Brothers:
Older: We still have some mending to do. I can feel it. I am glad we are still friends but something seems awkward. I hope we can get over it, but some times even after all the work we put in, it feels pushed, fake and something may be permanently lost. My earliest memories in my life are of you, yet I feel like I lost you a long time ago.

Younger:
I am concerned about you. I think you know what you want and I wish I could help you get it, but you have to understand that I can't hold your hand through everything. I fail, falter and flop too, and you can't blame me for wanting to give up if you want to continue. I have moments of weakness, but at the same time you owe it to yourself to do what you have to do regardless of what I chose to do. My life has changed by my own will. You need to will yourself to do what needs to be done because in the end you can only blame yourself.
Like they say, "If you don't got it by now, you just ain't getting it."

Love:
I know you are changing. I will change with you.
I deserve you, and will fight to hold on to you.
But understand, without help and you buying in, I can
only hold on to you as humanly possible. Should you
wander elsewhere, I will let go because it wouldn't
be my reason for holding on in the first place.
Yes, it sounds vague...but that is what I do.
Vague.

Taking Control

2008-10-07T11:00:00.002-04:00

I can't say what others will do.
I can't make them do what I want to.
I can't steer or direct their course.
I can't push them in to making a choice.
I can take control of me
So I will.
Don't take it personally if I don't follow suit
and do exactly what you want me to.
Do be upset if I happen to say no
and no matter how much you want me to stay
I decide to go.
There wont be any harm done
if I'm trying to become who I want to be.
I am taking control of me.
So I am.
Try not to gasp when I brake the promises made
because to me originally was my word gave
and I vanish and happen to move on to what's next
you may disagree but I'll have your respect.
Just like in death you progress through every stage
from doubt through acceptance
past grief and then rage
you'll say that I've changed
and to that I'll reply
that I'm exactly the same
but your on another side
don't ask me to do
exactly as I am told
because when It comes to my life
I took control
yes I did.

NKOTB

2008-10-03T11:45:00.005-04:00

Ok ok. I will be the first to say that I doubted the New Kids reuinion would draw a crowd. Boy was I wrong. Let me go back in time and take you to last week.
(Crank up the fog machine and wind chimes)
Sitting on my couch watching a promo for the group: "Hey honey. It looks like New Kids is getting back together to perform. I never understood the hype. I remember when they first came out."

(cranking up the fade out and fading back in to black and white)

Playing Video games:

"What is this New Kids stuff all about. I mean they sound like the Jackson Five or New Edition. They girls at my school wear those huge buttons with their faces on it. They even are in that Teen Beat mag."

(Zooming back to the present and still on the couch & with a video game controller in hand) "These guys are my age. I wonder who would come out and see them with old dated sound and 80's hip hop dance moves." The television program continues as me and my baby are watching and she is super excited.

Really excited.

Who knew she was a Blockhead? I mean that in a good way. I just had to look online to see when they were playing. Come to find out they would be in our town in less than a week. I immediately purchased two tickets online. I

also bought their latest CD the next day or so just to listen to what their music sounded like. They had plenty of special guests on it, even a track with New Edition. I give it a C+ effort. Concert Night We drove to the concert area and walked around a bit. New Kids fans swarmed the streets. Some people were in their original New Kids merch.

It was really good to see that they still had a huge fan base. We got to our seats and the Arena was PACKED!!! I looked around at the swarms of women ranging in age from 5 years old to 60. Me and the other 12 guys swam in a sea of progesterone deafened by the shrill screams waiting for the New Kids. I feel strange calling 30 something men New Kids.

The Jumbotron posted text messages from the fans in the arena with plenty of request for meeting backstage to procamations of their undying love and support.

I sent one that said "NKOTB? WTF. I thoutht this was Backstreet Boys. I'm outta here. Dueces!" It never came up.

I even heard a rumor that Justin Timberlake was protesting outside with a sign that said "Give me back my 14 year old Girls"

After the opening acts Colby ODonis and Natasha Bedingfield played their tunes it was time for the men to come out. I don't want to give away any surprises, but the combination of screaming fans, the grown women crying and my girlfiend's overall reaction I found myself singing

"You got the Right Stuff...Baby..." and I think I OK'd Jordan to father our next child. Just kidding. My girl may love NKOTB, but she loves me more.

They really put it down last night and I can't get a few of their songs out of my head now. So great job Fellas. You are maintaining the old relationships and gaining new fans. I can't wait for Menudo and Color Me Bad to reunite now! Until then, I'll be Hangin tough. Oh God...someone shoot me.

Here we go again

2008-09-30T16:19:00.001-04:00

For all those that never believed me about my origin
and the gifts bestowed upon me...let me document this
as to attest to certain facts of my life.

Tuesday 4:20...I had a feeling.
Now the phone rings.

I have a feeling about things....again.

35

2008-09-29T09:30:00.002-04:00

YES!
I am finally 35. WHOOO HOOOOOO!!!!

Just kidding. It is amazing that I really feel good for my age. It's like
I am 25 again.
Well maybe not 25, but I feel great. There are some aspects of my life that are still not completely taken care of that will be finalized within the next few weeks.
The Divorce will be final. It makes me sad when I think about it because the disintegration of any relationship is just sad by nature. I think that both of us are looking past that and in to the future. We are still young and the world has seemed to really open up for us. I am happy for any adventure that takes her to places of growth.
She's not a bad person by any means, it's just that we should not have gotten married. Kudos to her for finding the right person for her.

My son is growing so fast and I along with him. I have changed from those first frighting days. It has become easier to balance the person that I am and the person that I want to be. I am trying my hardest to box in the person I was.
My relationship with Madeline is growing stronger. We communicate and let the other person know that we are here for mental support. Parenting is a lot easier with two people holding it down.

I will keep it short for today. I have plenty to say but not enough time to write it all down constructively. Instead I will focus living today and not documenting yesterday.

The Wage Slave.

2008-09-18T13:06:00.002-04:00

The Wage Slave.

7 AM I rise
wipe sleep from my eyes
in to the shower
bush teeth get dressed
straighten my tie

Out to the car
in to the rush
Listen to the radio
laugh while my hair gets brushed

Pull up to the garage
now it's about 8
My badge is not working
so I pay at the gate

Elevate to the 9th floor
but each floor we make stops
chit chat while we ride
then I arrive at the top

10 minutes late
when I arrive at my desk
stack of papers on my chair
but that's what I expect

Supervisor comes in
"Mr Miller, good morning
there are things we need to discuss.
Meet me in my office later
but settle in, there's no rush"

"I have time now Richard.
So what's on your mind?"
"Well Mr. Miller"...He paused
"You're Never on time."

I logged into my computer
and got my desk straight.
"I know I'm a bit tardy,
but I always leave an hour late"

"That's not the point" he said
as he made his way out.
I sort of agreed
with what he was talking about.

NEXT DAY

6:30 I sprang
from under the sheets
stayed up longer last night
so I didn't get too much sleep

Out to the car
to make the commute
No tie on today
to match my suit

Traffic's moving fine
until a driver who's clearly insane
trade paint with me
while I was switching my lane

30 minutes drift by
now I am back on my route
I finally pull up to the garage
as my Supervisor is on his way out

He gives me this look
as to say "See what I meant?"
But he wasn't driving on the side
of the scratch and the dent.

In the elevator
to the 9th floor
ignore everyone
who comes in the door

To my office
to see what I expect
my office a mess
with more paper on my desk.

I am swamped
but I finish while every other soul is gone
now it's time to go home.
to tired to check the last messages on my phone

Down to the garage
by now it's pretty dark
my car wouldn't start
and won't shift out of park

something green leaking out
and staining the concrete
I have make the next bus
so I ran through the street.

NEXT DAY

6:00am and I jump up
feels like I'm catching a cold
So I rose
tired as hell and I slept in my clothes

Ran out to my car
Wait! I'm in such a rush
I left it at work
so I ran to the bus

The ride is long
the passengers loud
my underarms sweating
as I stood in the crowd

I'm trying to be productive
so I pull out my phone
check the work voice mail
and it's my boss with a tone

"Mr. Miller...." blah blah blah
I just zoned all that out
But I left him a message
"Hey Dick, wtf are you talking about"

I made my message clear
and put him in his place.
OK, maybe I shouldn't have said
I'll punch him in the face.

By this time there was silence
and a all eyes were on me
I think I heard someone say
Él es un poco loco

Got off the bus
Got in to my job
Elevator not working
9 flights I have to jog

Made it to my desk
7:49 on the clock
even had time to heat up
yesterdays coffee from the pot

The phone rings
and guess who it is
"Mr. Miller, I just got your message..."
I said "So what, it's 7:55 B!+@#!

" It looks like I am the first one here!
So Dick, what do you have to say?!
.....
"Mr. Miller, Why are you working on Columbus Day?
By the way, you're f.."
I hung up quick
luckily I sound tired and somewhat sick.

I deny that was me
even up to this date.
I say “Only an impostor Mr. Miller
would come in before 8.”

Historic: Obama & McCain

2008-09-05T16:41:00.002-04:00

My Son VS The World

2008-09-05T16:27:00.002-04:00

Son,

The world may not understand just how beautiful you are.
As you father I will be the first to tell you that you will never
ever fit into the mold in which they try to confine you.
You are everything and nothing at the same time.
You are more than what you seem
and for some that may mean that you are nothing at all.
Don't be afraid of that. It will make you stronger when you finally realize that fact.
There is a certain magic in standing alone...because once you finally do you will be surrounded
by others who chose to stand alone and will be among the multitude of people like yourself.
The no clique clique. A brotherhood of nomads.
I see you and I am filled with job because you will carry a part of me with you that I was too afraid to carry for myself. The lessons that i learned along the way will be your legacy to pass on to your children. A simple lesson. Trust in your own ability and never be afraid of the greatness that you are capable of accomplishing. We doubt ourselves, but I will lift you up when you fall knowing that you may fall again. I see hope in your eyes, happiness in your smile, and persistence in your heart. You reach for my hands as if they were the stars and they might as well be.
You are not black, not white.
You are both.
You are love
You are Gods blessing to your mother and I and he heard our whispers in the dark
as if we conjured you from our hearts to our minds through our bodies in to being.
There will be times that seem as if it will be you vs that world.
I am letting you know that as long as you do not forget who and what you are....
you will be victorious.

I love you my son Isaac.

Graded: F

2008-09-05T16:25:00.002-04:00

Should I give an F
if you are short a few ends
just like you're short a few friends
and the days to short for you to begin
on the couch while the clock hand hand spins
to count down till the days out until Days Inn
to meet with some random gentlemen
who wrote you an email
cuz he had no time for the pen
top spot on his his space
couldn't meet him at his place
sure it sounds shady and the red flags flew
but you knew that you'd be down
if you got a drink or two
I ain't you judging boo
do you

Should I Give an F
if your man cheats on you
beats on you
or disrespectfully speaks
and constantly sneaks out
to the meet the freaks which
occurs on a daily basis in a week
but he did claim that he balled
to your girl when he met y'all
and he blames his infidelity on the alcohol
and your bought it
like lake front land in the Gobi
and if you know me
I'm not to be the type
other people slow me
or owe
neither lender nor borrower be me
but I'm not judging him boo
do you?

Should I give an F
If you can't pay your rent
look at the money you spent
on everything from blunts
to new kicks, cable TV to jewels
There's no secret to success
except that you have to play by the rules
every morning and dress the part
To be early is to be on time to start
to be on time is to be late to arrive
to be late is to be looking for
another gig in the Sunday classifieds
Why stay in a job that doesn't pay
but if you are unhappy at in every way
regardless of the salary
or supervisor who you report to
but if you keep bouncing from gigs
the problem in fact may be you
but I am not judging
I think I never do
I'm too busy doing me
to help you do you

Life is Precious: Chapter 3 Higher Sense of Being

2008-09-04T11:11:00.001-04:00

In Life the blind see things in life that we don't see.The deaf hear things that we don't hear.Children understand the most complex of ideas without being taught.There is a higher sense of being that guides us along from the moment that we perceive a sense of self.Some may argue that this sense of self is at conception. We may never know this as we are constantly changing due to the environment and climate in which we live (exist) . Most of us do not recall our childhood even though we surely had one.We once reached out to our mothers arms knowing she would provide comfort, safety, warmth and sustenance but those memories have faded with our growth. Who is to say that while we were in a different form or state, that the actions that drove us to continue our survival and growth are forever gone.You can call it instinct or evolution. You can call it nature, science or God.We can argue on its name but there is no denying that it is real.It is as real as the voice within your head that you hear as you read this.Did you happen to notice that it is your current voice and not the voice you once had as a child? Did you know that you can alter that voice in your head, yet it can only appear to sound like voices you have heard before.You are not capable of conceiving a thought sensation or idea that has not been experienced or conceptualized, and when or if you do, what factors have lead you to this "stroke of ingenuity" or "stroke of genius"?In short there is a higher sense of being that each thing granted the gift of life are in direct connection with.The mystery of life is that once we venture to the flip side of life do we become transmitters of being instead of receivers?If I go on before you, I will send something your way, possibly in the form of an unrecognized yet lovely melody.

Getting back in touch

2008-08-04T10:16:00.002-04:00

I sometimes say that I am not in touch with all the people that I would like to be in touch with.
Well that is mainly my fault.
I don't call as much, or at all. I don't write letters, I don't send out text messeges that often.

I am the one who vanished, and for good reason perhaps.

I've been a ghost to some. They hear of my goings on and they get second party information on my whereabouts and the whosiewhatsits.

Well I have been trying to contact old friends and colleagues.
From old roomates to classmates.
From friends to close coworkers.

I am interested to see what is going on with people.
My life has definitely changed and I would like to express that to people.
Although in nature and form I am still the same old person from long ago.

So If you get a call from me, don't be too shocked. I am just letting you know that you popped in my head.

Prisoner of More

2008-07-18T12:01:00.002-04:00

I don't need much to live my life.
I have found myself wanting more and more of you.
It's not the need that I have like water or air.
It is the want that I have, like more sunny days.
More time to read and more time to lay awake with the glipse of you
walking in the room.

All Children are a Blessing.

2008-06-16T16:02:00.006-04:00

Sometimes we may wonder how did the world become way it is
There are so many beautiful things in it and at the same time there are
so many dark and scary places as well.

When you find yourself in a dark place, believe in yourself.
That inner belief will start to burn within you. That burning will
radiate a light that will lead you and will also be a beacon of hope
for those lost in the darkness as well.

I will do what I can to change the world and make it a better place. Not for myself, but for you.

We will always look at ourselves in the mirror and pick ourselves apart. We will harm ourselves before anyone else gets the chance too, because we think it will hurt less.
No, it hurts more, because we are always with ourselves, we know how to find and hurt ourselves the most. We pull plates of armor away from our own skin and start to apply the poison.

Don't poison yourself. Surround yourself with people that love you.
Realize that you already have everything that you need and there is
room for joy if you are just willing to accept it.

You can do anything that your mind can conceive. Don't limit your dreams by someone else's definition of reality.
Dreams shape reality. Not the other way around.

Don't ever forget it. You are loved. We just forget from time to time how much.

for the Children

Since I can't get to a mountain top.

2008-06-04T16:05:00.002-04:00

BARAKOBAMA
BARAKOBAMA
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Reveal ation

2008-06-04T08:52:00.003-04:00

I woke up one morning with nothing to believe in.
Not nature nor science, nothings sacred, no sins.
No right or wrong, no black white or gray.
No past present or future, no direction, course or way.
No life after death or spiritual medium in between.
No reality of cognition, no subconscious meaning in dream.

But those that heard me speak were bent on proving me wrong.
They told me that hope and faith was where I went wrong.
They spoke Saint and prophets and the origin of man
they even spoke nice and slow as so I could understand.
They told me of miracles prophecies and Divine right
They said without God there'd only be night
I stared blankly and bewildered as they could possible tell
and I said if all were true, we all are going to hell.

His savior could walk on water and escape death
He could cure the sick with a touch or a breath
He could feed the masses with on loaf of bread.
He could commune with the spirits and speak to the dead.

My Savior could turn my tears in to wine when I cried
but I long have stopped drinking and it'd only sting my eyes
So I figured I didn't need him and I was in control
of everything in my life except for my soul.
Why would he have the final say of who or what I was.
Would he judge us for what someone did or what s/he does?
Would he ask me to answer for every move that I chose?
Would he want to see the truth in my heart although he already knows?

Why construct Heaven as a reward or as punishment a Hell
because their are moments when on Earth I can't even tell.
There are moments like that when I just sit back and sigh
and vow to just live since I will live until I die.
The thoughts we all share the rock us to our core
if spoken out loud would only frighten us more
I don't believe in a God that teaches through fear
and punishment yet promises to always keep us near.
It's like the parent that beats you and says it hurts to raise a hand
and they wipe away our tears and expect us to understand

I'd rather be left here alone until the end of days
and know that I lived good, yet did it my way.
I don't need to kneel down with clasped hands while I pray
I don't speak to God silently, we talk through the day.
I don't need to hold hands and say how great thou art
I don't need to travel to see him because we are never apart.
There is no Ivory tower or temple on high
that I need a password for entrance or fear he might deny

I just need to be honest, with him and myself
and understand my wants don't outweigh the needs of everyone else.
It the simplest of ideas. It's the simplest of plans.
I hold God in my heart, while God holds me in his hands.
So I'll go to bed tonight, with something to believe in
Some things are Sacred and some things are sins.
and I will wake one morning with lost faith again
as long as you search your heart to find it in

THE END

Reality

2008-05-23T09:40:00.002-04:00

Let's take 5 children and put them in a classroom seated in a circle so they call all see each other with minimal difficulty.
Then you take a red ball and drop it into the center. They all watch the ball.
Each one of them will have a different perception based on there own reality.

One might say that he watched the others instead of the ball. Another might count the number of times the ball hit the floor while another noticed it's bouncing HEIGHT compared to the size of the room. We all have a different perspective and this perspective affects how we view our world and our place in the world.

Our unique perspective gives us insight in to the things that we feel exist. Some things in the world only exist for us. We may not see exactly what other see. We may not hear what others hear and when we read, each word may hold very different meaning for us.

How we choose to interpret our reality is partially up to us. I say partially because we are taught lessons from perspectives which are not initially our own. We are taught that the color red is different from blue. But would it make any real difference as long as there is a standard and the same language and symbolism is used? When we think red, we think hot, danger. Blue usually represents cool, or life and calm.
We derive most of our relations and symbols from our environment, in which we have no control.
Being a product of your environment sets the tone for how you perceive your reality.

A change of reality will often change your future perception and make you re-evaluate past experiences.

I sometimes think I am looking at reality from various perspectives. But that is impossible because I only have my perspective in the end. I sometimes wonder what others are thinking and how it will affect their next choice. Most of us act without thinking of our next choice, without weighing the pro's and cons. We just go along doing and responding and reacting instead of conscious action.

I think it would be nice to act consciously to see where it takes us. I think we'd be better off
in future endeavors if we did. This of course is just my opinion based off of the world I live in.
My reality.

Faerie Tales

2008-04-28T15:41:00.005-04:00

I don't believe in faerie tales

and story of sprites and such.

I don't believe in pixies or nymphs

or unicorns of splendid touch.

You'll never see a dragon

or harpy or goblin king.

Because with all of imagination

we believe in nothing.

If a dove flew to the city's of man

and sat upon his stair

and spoke in all languages

and said why he'd come here

"My song can cure your ailments,

,my feathers will ensure peace.

I know lands of bountiful foods

to build all nations a feast.

My eyes can see in to the future

and distant time and space.

I commune with the living God

and where you stand in his grace."

What would we do with such a gift?

We have done the same throughout ages.

We'd capture it and tie him down

to dissect him in several stages.

We'd rip out the tongue to examine his speech

or rule out telepathy

We separate it's eyes and slice them wide

to probe just how it sees.

We pluck its feathers, now soiled red

and marvel that they're lighter than air

we'd pin and label into each organ

to identify then store with care.

We'd write journals on how magnificent it was

and when all is said and done

We'd cry and wait for another dove

not knowing we'd slaughter the very last one.

So I don't believe in faerie tales

like Mr or Ms right.

or Jesus or the Loch Ness monster

or aliens or things that go bump in the night

I believe that man

welds fear in all he brings

He kills what he doesn't understand

and he doesn't understand a thing

What has changed?

2008-04-22T11:14:00.002-04:00

I'd like to share some lyrics with you.
Let's see how much has really changed.
Imagine, we'll look back one day and call
these the good old days.
Enjoy
A.

What life has taught me
I would like to share with
Those who want to learn...

Until the philosophy which hold one race
Superior and another inferior
Is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned
Everywhere is war, me say war
(Bob Marly: War)

Hurricane Annie ripped the ceiling of a church
And killed everyone inside
U turn on the telly and every other story
Is tellin' U somebody died
A sister killed her baby cuz she couldn't afford 2 feed it
And yet we're sending people 2 the moon
In September, my cousin tried reefer 4 the very first time
Now he's doing horse - it's June

Times
Times

It's silly, no?
When a rocket ship explodes and everybody still wants 2 fly
But some say a man ain't happy unless a man truly dies
Oh why?

Time
Time
(Prince: Sign O the Times)

Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
We're finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming,
Four dead in Ohio.

Gotta get down to it
Soldiers are cutting us down
Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her
And found her dead on the ground
How can you run when you know?
(Crosby,Stills,Nash & Young: Ohio)

Politicians hide themselves away
they only started the war
Why should they go out to fight?
They leave that role to the poor

Time will tell on their power minds
Making war just for fun
Treating people just like pawns in chess
Wait 'till their judgement day comes, yeah!
(Black Sabbath: War Pigs)

2008-04-15T13:28:00.002-04:00

Shine
How do you describe what you feel about people. Does love just come and go, or does it linger a bit? Is there anything that your family can do to ever make you stop loving them. There is a difference between being angry and being out of love. If you can fall in love very fast, can you fall out of it just as fast? Is love just a word that two people share in the heat of hightened emmotion. Sadly there are some that have never had love. They mistook infatuation or lust for love. They mistook Duty and responsibility for love.
Finding true love that is returned with the same intensity that it is given is a gift from God.

A few seconds of your time

2008-04-15T12:52:00.002-04:00

While taking a breather from the everyday process of making someone else rich,
I decided to reflect and think.

I say reflect because we all need time to look at ourselves to make sure we are who we said we are stear clear of what life sometimes wants to make us.

I felt something wash over me this morning on my way to work. I had the image of my son's eyes in my mind and how intently he was staring back as I stared at him. I owe him more than I can ever give him. I never cared about politics or religion before him. I never cared about the history or humanity before him. I didn't really care, the way I care about him. Watching and making daily adjustments as I do with him to give him the greatest chances at being a happy person. We sometimes want success for ourselves and when you have a child, you want the world for them. You no longer think about how you can succeed, but you focus all your successess for their success.
It's an amazing feeling to see him and feel him breath on my chest. Listening to every breath and knowing that there will be no other love like it. Even if you have another child, that love will be different. He's helped me change and give a damn about a few things that weren't important for me, but if there is a possibility it may impact him I am actively watching it.

Am I my worst enemy? I got a call this morning from someone who says that they were reminded of who they are. They will chose not to let others steer them in a direction when they wouldn't venture their innitially. There are always people who stand on the sidelines and cheer for their favorites and boo the ones that they would challenge. My life is not a contest. Everyone can be a winner, but it just takes more work to make it happen. Those that know me understand that I wouldn't chose to hurt others and would really try not to do so. Not too many people buy in to the fact that there are good people in the world. Instead they rely on their hurt and want to inflict pain on others. They don't trust and therefore can't be trusted to give helpfull direction. I will always stay true to myself, even if it is my undoing. But I can't have someone stearing me in a course in which it ditracts from who I am. I would suggets that others stay true to themselves.

It's All Good

2008-04-14T13:54:00.002-04:00

Every single second of this weekend was good.

There were so many moments that wouldn't stand alone as
being spectacular, but standing shoulder to shoulder with the moment before and after, I could say it was a great weekend.

My son is growing in to one of my favorite people of all time.
It's hard to imagine life without him. His smile, his funny little noises.
The way he mistakenly kicks me in the kisser..and then laughs.
Nothing in the world could be better.

I keep thinking of the household I am building. The love Madeline and I share
is also funneled in to him. Which he gives back. He doesn't know he does, but he brings all of us closer.

I am a happy(ier) person.

Stress....I have to do something about it

2008-04-09T10:31:00.003-04:00

So, what is stressing me?

Work: I am placed on several projects that either aren't staffed enough, I wasn't briefed enough, or no one is really interested. Why did they put me at the helm of a sinking ship?

Home:
It's too small. I can't think around clutter. It's a matter of time before we move to a larger place.

Personal:
X wants alimony? What in the world makes her think she can get alimony?
I have to now get dirty. I hate being that way because it sticks around longer than I need it to.

Music:
Ha. I haven't done anything musically in a long time.

Family:
Brother still not speaking to me.
Just found out my mom was in the Hospital for a few days and didn't call me so I wouldn't worry. Too late. I feel like I am too far to help her in the time of crisis and her brothers and sisters sometimes act as if they don't care. Sure, they wouldn't say that they do, but proof is in action.

Physically:
I'm tired. I feel my body just wanting to call it quits. My vision is blurred, my head and teeth always hurt. I fell out of bed this morning. I am slowly crashing.

What I used to do to manage my stress I can't and don't do anymore.
No drinking, no partying, no driving late at night with music blaring.

I have to find another way.
Maybe prayer...but at this point I am know I would pray for the wrong things.

All I can say is...

2008-03-31T12:29:00.002-04:00

Wow.
I had no idea just how much time it takes to care for a baby.
I dont know how people wirh more then one child manage, but it has been an
exhausting, yet enjoyable trip.

I have been gone from the realm of blogging for a while. Not due to the lack of material, just can't seem to find the time to actually log on and write.
So many things have happened and I will try to document it little by little.
I have things to talk about regarding work, home life, love life, music stuff, relationship with friends, family and God.

But today, I will talk about parenting.
Oh, I am not the parent that I thought I would be.
I know that I can be better, but my patience and understanding Isaacs needs
are being tested. It may be due to the lack of sleep, but when he cries, I just wish he could understand me or I could understand him. I know that he is either hungry, sleepy, wet, wants to be held, or too hot or too cold.
But it all remains the same. There is something that he wants. I dont think that will change anytime soon. I try my best to give him what he wants, but at this age, he is just a ball of emotion. He cries so hard sometimes that he forgets that I am trying to feed and and that I am on his side. Team Isaac.

I take a few seconds and talk to myself, reassureing myself that all things will pass and not to get too frustrated. It is all worth it when he smiles at me. Funny how somethings so simple could cure the way I was feeling. There aren't too many times when I've actually said the words 'Ugh" outloud and meant it. It is hard. Don't let anyone tell you different.

On top of taking care of Isaac, I have to take care of myself. I've let things slide.
I know it wasn't the plan to start a family so soon, especially after getting out of a bad relationship. I planned to ammicably part ways with Mima, and get my self and my life together. Now that has changed. I would say that it is for the best because there just were things I wasn't going to do unless I had a reason to. Isaac will have a great future. I know that I can provide for him, its just taking care of myself. I am not really willing to do the complete self sacrifice thing, because I wont be happy if I just settle. Some parents use their kids as motivation or as an excuse. Isaac will always be taken care of, but I need to set an example to teach him that no matter what you can reach your goals. The road to them maybe become harder, but it doesn't and shouldnt become longer.

I am still looking for balance.

Oblivion

2008-03-12T00:59:00.002-04:00

Time is escaping me one day at time.
It's really a beautiful thing watching Isaac grow. The funny thing is
that I can only see the very small changes because I am constantly mesuring him.
He will probably be twenty and still my little boy.
It feels good to be a dad.
ha...let me say it againa...
It feels...ha...a goood...
ha...help me now...
to be a dad.
Ha ha. A bit of preaching for you.
Some people don't notice the difference between being a father and a dad.
Any man can father a child.
But to be a dad....
a dad is there.
When you want to speak to your dad, you know how to get a hold of him.
I am not saying that he has to be in the same house or even zip code,
but you should be able to reach out to him and have him reach right on back.
When Isaac was born, I got a few calls from people that fathered children.
They congratulated me and said if I need their advice that I can call on them.
They don't actively participate in their child life. They wear this toilet paper title of father and they want to give me advice.
I will pass.
I will instead trust my instincts and do as I would want done to me if the roles were reversed, because in fact, that is a small part of me laying in my arms to fall asleep.
He is the closet thing to immortality that I can see and he carries a part of me with him no matter where he goes.

Not enough time

2008-02-20T11:24:00.003-05:00

Someday.

I hate that word because by definition it is an indefinite future time.
Someday I will go to Japan.
Someday I will take that drawing class.
Someday I will have children.
Someday I will work out and lose the weight
or someday I will surprise them with a gift.

We wait and we wait and we wait.
Someday never comes.
We make excuses for why we didn't do something
or say that we have other responsibilities.
We lie to ourselves to justify our fears, our
uncertainty.
We do the greatest harm to ourselves and all that
was given to us to succeed and live our dreams we throw away.

Somewhere along the lines we are told that if we try hard enough
there is nothing that we can't achieve, but do we even try?
Do we take a good look at our lives and agree that this is what we want?
I have days where I don't know what the hell I want. I just know what I don't want.
That is a step in the right direction, but only a single step.
There are things that I want to do with my life. I've tried to live my life without
regret, and I told myself that I wouldn't change a thing.
That isn't true. I would have. I would have tried harder. I would have placed myself first
in some situations. I would have listened more.

There are times when we are alone, and it's just ourselves. No need to wear the smiles, or tell the jokes. There is no need to please others or to offer advice. It's just me, and I hear the sound of my own voice in my head. It has been such a long time that I have asked myself, "what next?"
We tend to forget ourselves or learn to forget ourselves in order to go through life.
We say our dreams don't matter much.
We give up because we are too afraid of what others might think.
We justify the wrongs done against us and chalk it up to the way of the world
or say that there was a lesson learned.
The only thing that I can say that I learned from it was that it
took up precious seconds of my life.

When days pass, and I am unable to take care of myself as I am now, I will surely miss those seconds, considering I'd still remember them.
I am spending time writing this and it's funny how these words will most likely survive me.
I would like to come up with something profound and thought provoking.

The only thing that I came up with is that its a shame that I won't have time in the world to learn all that I desire to. It's shame that I won't be able to teach people all that I have to.
It's a shame that I wont get to see people that I care about face to face to tell them that I do care the way that I would like to.
To Quote a line from one of my favorite songwriters LeDell "Time's moving on, time's moving past, time's moving fast, so I'll be seeing you."

Post Valentines Day Score Card

2008-02-15T10:21:00.003-05:00

Ah, Valentines Day.

A special day for those in love and those seeking love.
I wanted to contact everyone to say HVD, but some of my friends
tend to have rules about such contact.
Since a significant number of my friends are women, I try to at least
let them know that Valentines Day is a day that if no one sends them
well wishes on that day, I will at least try to.

FYI: If your man/boyfriend/baby daddy/FWB can't take another guy saying
Happy Valentines Day to you, consider that a red flag.

My Valentines Day went well.
Here is the breakdown.
Made Dinner Reservations at Landini Brothers in Old Town Alexandria for 7:30
(+2 points for advanced reservations, +1 point for a place with cloth napkins and a wine list, -1 point for picking a restaurant with lots of seafood dishes knowing my lady doesn't like seafood)

I came home, knocked on the door to find Ms. A. (Madeline's Mom) answer. She agreed to watch Isaac while we went out. Before I came in I said, "Hi, I am Aaron and I am here to pick up Madeline". She smiled and shushed me because Isaac was in his bassinet fast asleep.
(-1 point for showing up at 7:00 because traffic was bad, +2 points for wit)

Madeline emerged wearing a stunning outfit. Well, she could wear a potato sack and a lime green beret and look killer. I presented her with a long stem rose and after kissing our boy goodnight we headed out to dinner.
(+2 points for the single long stem. You can't focus on the individual beauty of a single rose if you give them a dozen. The same rules apply with women. Why have more than one?)

The restaurant was nice. The food combined with the atmosphere made it a great dinner. Unfortunately the place was using a special Valentines Day menu which means they jacked their already expensive prices through the roof. We talked, laughed and shared yet another great night. I could have taken her to TGI Fridays and she would have loved being there with me as well. I like to spoil her.
(+2 points for taking her mind off the baby and just relaxing. We didn't call home once during dinner to check on him but skipped desert to hurry home to see him.)

Before dinner I gave her 1/2 of her Valentine's Day Gift. Since she lost an ear ring I figured that it would be nice to replace them.
(+3 points for listening. -1 on presentation. I just kinda said, "Here ya go." I didn't want her to think anything really special was in the box. Additional -1 for how I just worded that. LOL)

We came home and I was supposed to cover some long stemmed strawberries in chocolate. I also chilled some sparkling cider in the fridge since neither one of us drink anymore. I was too sleepy to do anything else and opted to feed Isaac and go to bed. It was good seeing him. He is a daily reminder of how much I love his mom.
(-2 points for falling asleep so fast cuz I really wanted to end V-Day on a more romantic note.)

All in all we had a lovely time and I look forward to next year. I think I will do something really special since V-Day will land on a Saturday.

I hope everyone had fun yesterday. I scored a 6. Anything above a 5 is good for me.
I will tell you what happens when I total 100. Right now I am at 36 or so.

Step By Step

2008-02-15T09:58:00.003-05:00

The world keeps on spinning, and I keep spinning with it.

It took some time when I was on the Metro headed to Federal Triangle

to think about where I was on this day in past years.

Feb 2007:
Rebuilding my life with new hope in love and confidence in myself.

Feb 2006:
Making sacrifices in order to help family succeed.

Feb 2005:
Ensuring that relationships are built on honesty instead of how they benefit me.

Feb 2004:
Upgrading my outlook on lifestyle and prioritizing what is important.

Feb 2003:
Focusing on making money in my career field.

There are so many things that happened in those years but I feel that I have completed my goals. I have new goals and motivation to accomplish those goals. But by this time next year I want to say that I have strengthened relationships with my family, added friends into what I call family, and given my all to ensure the health, safety and security of my family.
Yes, Family in 2008.

I can't forget to give my all for what I enjoy as well. People will take all you have to give, and if you do give your all, then expect you all to be taken. Lucky for me, I consider myself to be family.
All things take time, and today I feel as if I don't have all the time in the world, but I have enough to get done what needs to be done.

Isaac's First Doctor Visit

2008-02-04T19:18:00.001-05:00

Today we met with our Pediatrician for baby Isaac's first check up. The drive there was pretty long as I drove barely above the speed limit and kept a relative distance from other vehicles based on vehicle length and miles per hour. Yes, apparently I am one of those kinds of dads. Since Isaac has been home with us we acquired a laundry list of question. There are plenty more that I didn't ask that I concluded were silly and would expose my paranoia. "Doctor, what effect will global warming have on our child." "When exactly is a good time to give in if the child threatens to hold their breath." "If our baby becomes more alert when we watch Jerry Springer, does that mean we are bad parents?" I refrained from embarrassing Madeline and we formed rational questions. Well back to the doctor visitation. Once we arrived we discovered that the receptionist had scheduled us for the following Monday. We waited in the healthy child area while they found a doctor to fit us in. In the waiting room we saw plenty of young children, all sticky with filth and germy. There were some crawling and shoving toys in to their mouths while another one was purposely falling to the floor relishing the sounds his body made as it slammed against the carpet. I was horrified then calmed as the reaffirming image of my sleeping son renewed my faith in children and gave me hope. He won't be like that at all. Once we spoke to the doctor, he checked a few vital signs and said Isaac looked good. I should hope so. Madeline and I don't wake ever few hours to make sure he is breathing for nothing. I have logged every feeding and diaper change in my palm pilot. We are running at 97.4% efficiency. I need to perfect my diaper changing method by I am always overcome by a gag reflex. You can't blame me. All in all we scored a very cool baby. Isaac has been a complete gentleman about this being born thing. He only cries when he is too hot, too wet, too sticky or stinky, hungry, or wants to be held. We are starting to recognize and distinguish all the different sounds and what they mean. I have failed at teaching him to say "Wahungry" when he needs food and "Wahdiaper". You get the point. Madeline is enjoying making up songs for him for every inch of his anatomy. Isaac loves her so much already and incessantly stares at her when she sings "Rolls on his neck, Rolls on his neck. Isaac has a double chin and rolls on his neck.

Ch..Ch...Ch...Changes

2008-01-22T15:02:00.001-05:00

Well well well. Back to blogging, at least for today.
So many things have changed and will continue to change.
I won't apologize for the lack of writing because most of you know
what my life has been like.
Hectic and beautiful. I've been so wrapped up in the daily joy of preparing
for the continued changes that documenting my thoughts has taken a back seat.
A well deserved back seat.

I decided to start a new blog that will detail the daily(or weekly if you know me) challenges
of parenting and being in a loving positive relationship.
Some say that the love between a parent and child is unconditional.
I hope so because I've been watching more than my share of Jerry Springer
and that is definitely not reflective of parenting 101.

My partner in parenting and I were discussing the prospect of God-Parents for our child.
I thought about it more in detail.
In the event that my child loses us to some Avalanche in the Andes, I would want his God-parents to already have a relationship with him and not just show up to take charge.
I would prefer that the parents were in a loving and healthy relationship with each other and have pretty steady moral compass.
But if I can't find two people that are together, I thought about the people that are single that I believe that I would raise my child to be a productive person.
Other than family members I thought of my friend in Georgia who would definitely raise him to be responsible and teach him self respect.
I thought about my friend in Boston who would foster a sense of civic responsibility and to appreciate people of all races and creeds.
I thought about my friend in Allentown who steer him towards success and teach him not to take no for an answer.
Then my friend in New Jersey. They would teach him patience and persistence.

For a second there I thought I was running out of friends.
Nah, I just stopped calling casual acquaintances my friends.
I guess my life has beat out the impurities in the list of my friends.
Some are just here to check in on your life
while others take part in it.
The active participation in my life that creates and fosters positivity
and unions that span years is my definition of friendship.
If I was looking for someone to watch over my child as if they were
anointed by God himself, it would have to be a friend.

On another note, I will try to catch everyone up with my goings on.
There are so many things to tell. Most of them funny.
I look forward to seeing how things in 2008 change and only a select few will experience
them first hand with me while others will just read about it.

I'll continue to stay positive
and continue to change.

Ah...and so it returns

2007-12-17T21:22:00.000-05:00

Chronic Bronchitis is a killer
The coughing,
the wheezing
Ah...winter.
I got a humidifier and lets hope that helps.
Well, I don't have the strength to finish.

Blessed holiday

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you.

2007-12-09T22:00:00.000-05:00

Ooooweeee!!
Has this week ever been busy.
Before I get into all the details I have a question to ask.
Why do you read this?
It may seem like a strange question at first, but I would really like you to ask yourself that
question. Don't worry, I'll wait until you are ready to go on.

Ready?
Do you have an answer?
Do you read this because you just want to know what I am up to?
Do you read this for some sort of inspiration or maybe just a good laugh?
Perhaps its the random ramblings that I seem to come up with. Trust me, there
are plenty of things that I would love to say but I keep them reserved in my head.
It's scary what I really think, even to myself.
Do you read this because somehow we are all connected and you want to affirm/discover/disprove what you mean to me?
That last one was deep and I will save the question of what you mean to me for another day.
I'd be interested in reading your answer.
Don't be afraid to tell me. I'd love to hear what you come up with besides, "I am bored and need something to do."
I am sure that there are Millions of things to do in the time it takes you to read this.

I asked myself why I write. Well, that is simple. One of the reasons are posted right below the blog name.
Another reason, one that is not as well known or published before was that write this because I am afraid that if I don't I will be gone.
Not gone as in the literal sense. Gone in the figurative sense. Not as who I once was.
It is a way for me to look back at who I was. I have changed so much due to the daily changes I undergo.
For example, last week I was bombarded by a reoccurring theme. At first I saw a video on youtube where a soldier in Iraq was bored so he placed a spider in a bottle along with 20 or so ants. At first you would think the spider outnumbered and defeated but instead it fought and killed all of the ants. The comments on the page were things like "Coool" and "The spider pwned those !@#&# ants". I called the man cruel and sadistic. Spiders and ants don't naturally fight in plastic bottle and any sensible ant would run.
The next image I was bombarded with was the death of Sean Taylor, and I took a gander at the killers myspace page filled with dollar bill signs and young girls that were interested in him saying things that were pretty shocking to come out of a 15-17 year old girls mouth. I guess those words are now exposed to the nation. Did that shock me more than the fact that this young man allegedly murdered someone?
The next image that someone had me bothered was a group of kids fighting outside of my job which just happens to be between FEMA and the Dept of Education. A group of adults idly watched as a young man got repeatedly kicked in the face in broad daylight. The local security guards watched on as well. I went out and asked him if he was alright and I took a look at his mouth. A bit of blood flowed out and he was able to go home. He didn't want to call the police. Maybe I should have called his parents, but he was so eager just to leave the scene. I don't know the back story, but there is a villain in it, somewhere along the course that brought them to that.
When I got home I think I was visibly upset.
Lastly, I think the shootings in Omaha combined with the story of the college students that dressed up like slain Virginia Tech students pressed a button within me.
Does it only take a week to desensitize me?
I think I said somethings last week to a group of people discussing the shootings along the lines of "why should you care, its not like you know any of them. I mean come on, you will only care when it directly affects you."
That doesn't sound like me.
I was so angry that it just came out. When is enough enough?
I felt like it was the days after 9/11 when all the news wanted to do was show the planes slamming into the buildings over and over. The images of people running down the street in terror and the people clinging to one another then plummeting to the ground to become just more bodies.
We are losing people and gaining bodies. The language changes to make us change our mind.
Words are being used more and more frequently. There is no people count in war. They aren't soldier, they are WARRIORS.
Weight loss is now a BATTLE.
Getting to work is a MISSION.
Children must FIGHT for a good education and DEFEAT their COMPETITION.
Shampoos will wreak HAVOC on your hair.
What are we becoming?
What have I become?

So, I ask you again, why do you read this?
Is your answer the same?
I'd really like to know?
Do you know what you mean to me?
Do you know which me I speak of? The me before last week, the me of today, or the me by the time you answer?

Where is the time going?

2007-11-29T20:17:00.000-05:00

I don't generally like to write about "nothing".
It somehow damages the integrity of my blog.
I mean, the most random of thoughts do pop into my head.

HI BABY

I was thinking about the parenting classes that I have been taking.
There is so much to learn and to know.
Its somewhat frightening knowing that I will have to make decisions for another person. It's not like I can ask him if he wants fruit loops or cheerios for breakfast.
I will have to decide.

It's scary....but a great honor.

So much to say

2007-11-27T06:10:00.001-05:00

Leaving Behind a Legacy of Hope

LeDell Lipscomb was a father, a grandfather, a mentor and a friend to many people. One of those people was my father. My father never knew his father. My paternal grandfather died when my father was 2 years old. My Grandmother thought it was a good idea to enroll my father in the Big Brother program. LeDell was my father's big brother. Not only did he mentor him until his high school graduation, but stayed deeply involved in his life after college. Like LeDell, my father was a member of the Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity. He became someone that my brothers and I, Vann Jr and LeDell. saw as a grandfather figure. I loved to hear his stories of his ski trips. At the age of 80 he was still married to the same woman who he deeply loved and let that fact be known with his constant affection. He was positive man. He died last Tuesday.

Building Men

I sometimes think about my role as a father.

I think about all the things that I am supposed to teach and do.

It feel overwhelming that I am going to shape a life. My

mistakes will be recorded in my child's head, whether it be a positive or

negative lesson. I will be responsible for their well being.

I look back at all the lessons that I have learned about this world.

Some of the best lessons learned are the ones that brought me to several crossroads in which I had only 2 paths to take.

I was taught to follow my moral compass, but in order to do that, I needed to learn the basic principles of morality.

There are so many elements in the world that teach us contradicting ideas.

We see it on the streets and on television. We hear it at work and on the radio.

Last night I listened to the radio and heard the DJ taking calls for support for a wounded athlete, then following up by playing a song laden with drug and violence referenced. The message is mixed or he wasn't aware or didn't truly care.

I am not raising any misogynistic men who call women out of their name.

I am not raising anyone who can glorify or justify violence by any means.

I refuse to raise a man that treats people unjustly because of race color or creed.

I am still raising myself. We all are.

I think we have become afraid of telling people when they are wrong. I need to do that to help out those that don't quite know the difference. They can agree or disagree with me, but I just think they need to know. They can tell the difference between genuine concern and just being in their business.

KEEPING MY WORD

They say that a person who keeps their word is honorable, but a person who keeps their word despite anything that happens is a fool.

Where do we draw the line. I try not to make any promises that i can't keep, but the ones that I do make, I will try my hardest to keep. I have days in which I feel that I am in a losing battle. One one side I have the things that I said I wanted to do with my life. On the other hand I have my life. In between dreaming and wanting and what is there are promises kept. I think its time that I changed what my dreams are. They were made as a child. I don't think the dreams of a child are very realistic nor would they actually be as satisfying to me anymore. I thought at X age I would be successful, or rich, or doing something else. It seems that the only thing I promised myself is that I would not starve and I would have a roof over my head. I have that and I made preparations for that when I was 16. I made promises to other people like my mother and brothers. There are people I owe for helping me achieve my goals. I have a duty to those people to succeed as not to waste their efforts.

I have a duty to my friends, my true friends who speak with me from the heart and to the heart. True friendship isn't waning. It is constantly strengthened with every encouraging word. I have a duty to those I love and those that love me.

Lastly I have a duty to myself, to keep my word and honor all those that mean something to me.

It gets hard explaining why I try to keep my word and only in the end will I find out if it was worth it.

Almost

2007-11-02T10:30:00.000-04:00

I went to a lawyer yesterday and asked some important questions about divorce, immigration, and what is required of me.
After hearing him talk I realized that some people enter a divorce and are really bitter. They still want to hurt the other person and make their life worse than it was before they met.
I am so glad I am not that way, its ugly. Ending 10 years of ups and downs with a down wouldn't speak highly of the type of person I want to be.
When I used to talk about my parents, I used to say that they are happily divorced. It took some years to get there, but they are to the point where they can sit across from each other at a dinner table and laugh about old behavior. My dad tried to slide in a comment about how my mom is a bit bourgeois and my mother retaliated by saying his slacks make him look gay. It was classic. It wasn't always like that. They had their dark moments, and they had their days of sunshine. It's what happens when you marry someone you met in your teens. Like my parents, we did what was expected of us. We were there when each other were sick, fix meals, deal with family issues. How do you end something like that by trying to sabotage their life afterwards?

I am a different person from when I was before I got married and just like my parents, all things work out as planned, and like them we didn't have a plan. You don't go into a relationship thinking you will just play it by ear. It's too important of a thing. Marriage is supposed to be until death, and it is. You never stop wondering if you did all you could. I made plenty of mistakes. I know that now. I see things differently once you step out of it and make revelations. I wasn't a monster, but I guess my patience ran thin and feeling disrespected never helps. I am really big on respect. You don't have to give me respect, just don't go out of your way to disrespect me. I guess she pressed the button once too many times. She always said she was testing me, to see how much I could withstand. We both laughed when she confessed that. I guess we both found out.

You never stop thinking that you are doing the right thing by moving on with you life when you get divorced as well. When I got married, I knew what I was doing. I kept insisting that there were things I could live with. It wasn't so. We found out a lot about each other in those last months before we finally called it quits. We smiled at each other and both apologized but knew that we both had done something amazing with our lives together and would continue to do amazing things apart. It's funny, now I feel like I have graduated and the real work is ahead of me. There's joy in loving someone and letting myself be loved. The work is letting fear and hesitation go. We sometimes forget that the best part of falling in love is the falling part. As long as we keep our eyes closed and hold on we wont ever hit the bottom. We just drift nice and slowly through life.

Two weeks ago I had the longest day of my life. That may initially sound like a bad thing, but it's beautiful when you are sharing that with someone you value. We go through life experiencing different people and each one changes us. We may not know it at first but the lessons that we learn shape and mold us, hopefully for the better. I don't believe in finding the perfect person. There will be something unique about everyone you meet and they may be the right or wrong person depending on the circumstances.

Sometimes distance, personal circumstances, or traits and habits keep us from being with people we're attracted to. It's ok to be attracted or drawn to someone else, but once you step out that door you lose a bit of the other person. You can't always get what you want, especially when you don't know what you want. Some people always want what they don't have or are comfortable being with someone that doesn't fully want them. Some people don't want someone to fall instantly in love with them because they ask "Why me? Do you do this with everyone?"
It can be scary.
I used to treat people like books. I would do what I could to crack open the pages, read a few chapter, then put it down and pick up the next book. From the first chapters I could speculate whether or not it was a good book, and would assume it was like all the rest.
I was picky and didn't want to waste my time.
I was lucky this time.
I had someone peer though my pages and put me down. It hurt.
It was a wake up call to what is really important.
People are not dispensable.
We lose friends sometimes and drift apart, we forget vows taken and promised made, and we sometimes hurt people more than we know.
It's ok to say sorry and its ok to move forward. There is nothing in the past except memories but tomorrow grants us the promise starting over. We can build and model ourselves after who we want to be instead of who we think we should be.
I wont let my divorce get ugly because my true friendship with my wife wasn't ugly. She really was my friend and she deserves to be happy and maybe find happiness like I have found it, pure uncut clean happiness. Then again, that wasn't up to me, it sort of fell in my lap, like a winning powerball ticket.

10-31-07

2007-10-31T14:32:00.000-04:00

Growing up, I was never really into the paranormal.
Now when we say that word, we think of the word ghosts, devils or demons.
I don't believe in any of that because I think it is safer to say that and type that than to admit what happened to me more than 10 years ago.
I will tell you this story because it might help you to understand how to cope if you are ever in the same situation.

Philadelphia PA 1980
Moved to Logan section of Philadelphia into a small 3 bedroom house. Behind us were a thin strip of woods separated only by railroad tracks. The woods were cleared and sold as private lots to the home owners. My mother never wanted to purchase the lots but we made sure we kept the grass cut. The homes were built in the late 1950's and renovated in the 70's. The land on which they stood used to be a larger part of hunting park area. A river flowed underground and developers filled the river and built upon it.

1980-81
3 year old brother told us stories about his imaginary friend as he rode his toy rocking horse. We thought this was cute because at that time my brothers speech was still very baby like. His friend's name was Bubba. He told us how Bubba slept in the basement and Bubba liked horses. My brother also used to ask us why he was not like us because Bubba said he wasn't.

Summer 1981
While playing games outside with cousins, one of them noticed a stranger run into our basement steps. My older brother and I leapt up quickly to the house but we were locked out. We ran around to the front (the homes were row homes so it took us some time to get around 4-5 houses) to find my mother walking in. We all ran in to find that my younger brother was missing. My mother called the police and several family members asking if they knew his whereabouts. My brother emerged later from under a bed and said that someone picked him up from the basement and pushed him under the bed with his stuffed toys.

Summer 1985
While sitting at the dinner table my brothers and I heard a clicking sound from the hands on an old clock embedded in a hoosier cabinet. We were all amazed that it finally worked because we thought springs and coils were in the top drawer. We looked in the drawer and they were still there. The hands kept moving.

86-91
People started moving away from the Logan area. The homes began to sink because the blockage of the underground river was unsuccessful. We attributed some of the strange behavior in our home to the possibility of our home sharing the effect of many others. Doors and windows not opening at times or slamming shut suddenly. The rumbling from the basement and the scuttling sounds.

1992
Away at college with my brother staying over a friends we were suddenly awaken by a yell from my older brother. He says he felt that something was holding him down. He says that he was wide awake and felt pressure on his chest and arms. This was the first time I heard of the riding of a hag or sleep paralysis as professionals call it.

1993
All the homes that would sink did. Our section of Logan was spared the demolition of those with structural damage. On one specific occasion I received a call from my father, who was divorced from my mother at the time called me at work. He asked me if my mother was OK because he called randomly and she was crying and didn't want to talk. I called her and she insisted that there was something playing tricks on her in the house. I rushed home to find her barricaded in her room, eyes red from crying. She told me that she was in the bath tub and she heard the door creak open. When she looked she saw it shut really fast. She called out for my younger brother and that's when she heard a loud banging on the door. It shook so hard that she could see the bathroom mirror shake. I saw that she was still wearing her bathrobe and a toothbrush was on her floor. She said she clenched it like a knife by the bristles because the head was flexible. We laughed and that eased her a little. We were convinced it the combination of low pressure slamming the door shut from an open window and a rather large freight train.

1995
I slept in the basement that year. It was like an apartment to me. I recall one night being asleep and hearing a conversation between an older and younger person. I thought I was dreaming until I woke up and focused my eyes on my alarm clock. The time read 3:08. My stomach cramped from hunger and I still heard the talking. I mumbled under my breath "Huh?" It got deadly quiet, then the alarm clock sort of jumped at me and unplugged. The light still dimmed as it came too me and I jumped up and made my way upstairs in the darkness.
After that, things would happen about once a week.

There was a time when I was washing dishes and my mother and I saw something flash down the stairs. It was the size of a blurry cat and in mid sentence, she got quiet and so did I. She asked me quietly if I saw that and I said yes.

Another time I had a girl in the basement. It was dimly lit and when the lights did go out she went stone cold and silent. She then let out a scream as if she was holding her breath and jumped up for the light. She said my eyes turned red in the darkness and she felt breathing directed into both ears and felt my breath upon her face. I walked her home immediately.
I we talked for a while on the way home and I told her that I did feel something moments before she screamed. I heard this yelling in my head in multiple voices and my hands and my spine tingled. I couldn't explain it. I told her that strange things happened in my house and she was very upset. Not because she believed in the paranormal but that I would expose her to something in the case that such things might exist. It seemed as if the more I talked about it, whatever it was could hear me and would come closer, like it was lurking in the shadows. I felt its presence in my house and felt two distinct personalities. Playful and then Violent, almost sadistic.

August 1996
Since then I moved out of the basement.
Saturday morning. My mother usually cleans on Saturday while singing. There was no singing and no noise. I had a sheet over my head and could see the sunlight streaming in from the windows. I heard my mothers voice in the distance. It sounded like she was downstairs. Then the voice sounded as she was in the room. But it definitely wasn't her voice. It called me over and over. I tried to get up thinking my mom was playing with me when I felt a pressure across my neck and chest. It felt like she had her knee in my neck, her hand on my face while sitting on me.
I heard the voice scream in my ear, saying my name and I couldn't move. I remembered what I was told about hags, that you can break free if you get some part of you off the bed.
Somehow I got up, tears streaming from my face and ran downstairs. My mom was crying on the couch and said she fell asleep and then couldn't get up and felt something on her.
She put the house on the market the next month. We put the furniture in storage and lived with family until it sold.

I was always curious about that house as an adult. My uncle who work for city hall archives let me look though some old documents.
I found some things, but it might just be coincidence, but as we know there are no such thing as consistence.

I told myself I wouldn't speak or write it. Speak no evil, see no evil. All I will say is a previous owner names was Robert and his nick name was Bubba.

It's Raining

2007-10-26T11:53:00.000-04:00

Finally it's raining.
It seems that while one place is set ablaze, the rains fall somewhere else.
It feels good to be on this side.

I saw a picture of college friends.
Laughing and looking so much younger.
Some keep in touch and are doing well collectively.

I want to ask them if they feel like they left someone behind.
Someone who they knew didn't exactly see life as they saw it.
Where one saw opportunity the other saw opposition.
Where one saw promise the promise of change the other saw alienation.

What are we to do with the ones that we know can't make it on their own.
Are we to help them, even if they hold us back?
It's noble, but the rest of the pack will keep running leaving you two behind
and ultimately you will carry the load when or if they are ready.

Most of us have a soft spot for the less fortunate.
Some bring the less fortunate into their homes and try their best to provide for them,
meanwhile struggling to survive themselves.
It's funny how we could easily be on the other side of the scale.
What if we were the ones who are struggling and in all reality, we very well may be.
I've seen people lose their lives defending someone who couldn't defend themselves.

I am torn about the matter.
In the wild, the slowest antelope gets eaten
and the weak swimmers drown.
We are not in the wild anymore.
We don't kill off the weakest of our kind.
Instead we protect them. We make laws to
ensure their safety and rights.

We because strong in the wild
just to weaken in our civilized world.
We don't destroy those that are mentally deficient.
We don't weed out the physically disabled.
We haven't corrected our genetic mutations
and destroyed what makes us weak.

In essence we are saying it's OK to be weak,
because the strong will protect you.
We say it's just fine to come in second place.
It's not about winning but in the manner that you play.
We celebrate mediocrity.
We treat things humanely
as long as we view them as useful or beneficial to us.

Beneficial.
Would it benefit us to force our own evolution.
How should we evolve?
Definitely not in the brutish war mongering ways.
We should evolve keeping compassion in our hearts and minds.
That would be to our benefit.
We cannot hope to pursue world peace until we have inner peace.
Then move to outer peace and acceptance.
There are so many ways for us to change ourselves.
But as one idea is presented, another one comes up to challenge it because it is self serving
either.
It's the ego that drives us.
We are protecting our own interest group if not our self.

We can decide when we are ready, if we are ready to change
and protect what is worth protecting.

But again...I am glad it's just raining.

How to spot a Ghetto Album

2007-10-24T10:19:00.000-04:00

We all know we have one or two CD's that are just Ghetto.
You don't eh?

If the group name is some phonetic variation of an actual word, ie
Konfushun, or XtaC or 4LaydeezOwnlee, Then it is ghetto

If the album has more then 3 interludes....it's ghetto

If 60% of the album has a rapper or another singer featured on the song, it's ghetto.

If you have more than 1 remix version...yup...ghetto.

Anything from R Kelly after 2001, Ghetto

If the song uses more than five analogies for sexual references, It be ghetto.

If the artist makes an obvious use of bad grammar like "is you happy" and "we be clubbin".....come on...you know it's ghetto.

If the artist says that they are hot, gangsta, or bad and never explains why, It's not ghetto....just corny.

So, ready for your test?

Crank That: Soulja Boy Ghetto/Not Ghetto

Same Girl Remix: R Kelly and T Pain Ghetto/Not Ghetto

Teachme: Musiq Soulchild Ghetto/Not Ghetto

Survivor: Destinys Child Ghetto/Not Ghetto

Stronger: Kayne West Ghetto/Not Ghetto

Correct answers at the bottom.

Answer: It's only my opinion, so there is no correct answer.

Football....ehhhh

2007-10-23T16:11:00.000-04:00

I am an artist, poet and musician.

I like museums, books, and classic film.

I am into fashion, travel, culinary delights and historical fiction.

I prefer to discuss cultural advances rather than pop culture.

I can appreciate architecture and abstract imagery.

I befriend woodland creatures and love to laugh.

I am not into football.

Football season. For some football is a religion full of tradition and celebrations where they gather around the TV to eat their favorite foods and cheer at the climax of the performance.

I can do the same thing at a Puccini Opera. I like football. I know all the rules (even though they keep changing every year due to some personal injury sustained by a QB) and like playing a real life co-ed game. I can even watch it.

It's this conversation that gets at me.

"So, did you see the game?"

"No, I didn't" (what game?)

"It was great. We won"

"Oh, Swell" (What did you win? Nothing right?)

"You're from Philly right? Your team isn't doing so well"

"Yeah, I heard" (Actually, I play Tecmo Bowl team)

"What do you mean, you heard? You don't like Sports?"

"Well, I am not really into football. I'd rather play it than watch it" (I am not into watching over paid grown men run around every week. I DVR'd the Office)

There is nothing wrong with football but football isn't really a sport. Shot put is a sport. Whenever your abilities are measured by someone else's ability, it doesn't really consist of a sport. Those of you who love curling would disagree. I guess that is why football isn't in the Olympics.

Football is so bad that they tried to invent another game based off of it. The short lived XFL was fun. Hire people that didn't make it to the NFL or their parole hearing and give them money and a ball. I know some members of the WNBA were pissed that the XFL players made more than they did. Hell, I make more than some of them.

If the NFL wants me to watch regularly...they have to up the stakes.

First, pay the players less. No one should be paid millions because they weigh in excess of 300lbs and can stop someone else who's just as fat as they are. It's just stupid.

Second, the linebackers should not weigh more then a buck 45 and the quarterback has to be in the mid 200's. It would take about 4 to 5 linebackers to sack him. Now that's entertainment.

Third, Get rid of the offence and defensive teams. What other game does this? They should use the same people for both situation.

Fourth, no more damn time outs. The game is long enough.

Fifth, stop using ethnicity's as mascots unless the team is solely comprised of such. No more Red Skins or Chiefs. Only Animals, Minerals, Vegetables or Inanimate Objects.

Six, The losing team runs suicides on every ten yards of the field. There has to be some penalty for losing.

Seventh, No more players that can't enunciate a sentence when asked questions at a press conference.

Eighth, Cheerleaders. I don't get it. Half dressed soccer moms who really just want to be in a music video. Hmmm...I'll pass.

Ninth, No More damn in zone dances. Their JOB is to make touchdowns. If my Dentist did a dance every time he cleaned my teeth, I'd strangle him.

Tenth, Man on Man ass slapping should be banned. I mean you take showers together, and you get in close for the huddle. There is no need to slap each other on the ass. It's overkill.

So NFL, take note. If you want me to watch, make some well deserved changes.

Lyric Sheet

2007-10-18T09:16:00.002-04:00

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
(Stevie Nicks: Landslide)

I’ve been sitting learning how to read
Cause back in school I never liked to
It’s just one of those little things I’m gonna need
As I put my life together, baby, without you
(Bonnie Raitt: My First Night Alone Without You)

So far away
doesn't anybody stay in one place any more?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know you're just time away
Long ago I reached for you and there you stood
Holding you again could only do me good
How I wish I could, but you're so far away
(Carole King: So Far Away)

My body, baby, u truly do
Insatiable my name when it comes 2 u
there's no tellin' how far I'd go
Cuz when it comes 2 u,
I know I'm insatiable and I just can't stop
Even if I wasn't thirsty,
I would drink every drop
(Prince: Insatiable)

Girl it's only you
Have it your way
And if you want you can decide
And if you'll have me I can provide
Everything that you desire hmm
Let me get a feeling
The feeling that I'm feeling
Don't you come closer to me baby hey
Then you already got me
Right where you want me baby
I I just want to be your man
(D'Angelo: Untitled)

Such a beautiful lady
The kind you find in a dream
And dreams are so real for me
(Mint Condition: So Fine)

We skipped the light fandango
Turned cartwheels 'cross the floor
I was feeling kind of seasick
The crowd called out for more
And the room was hummin' harder
As the ceiling flew away
And when we called outfor another drink
But the waiter brought a tray
(Procol Harum: A Whiter Shade Of Pale)

Crying doesn't seem to work for me anymore
I've cried so many tear until no one seems to care.
I guess it's up to me, to set my poor heart free
(Chelta: Hey You)

What do you think?

2007-10-15T10:41:00.000-04:00

Our thoughts are our last refuge.
For some of us they are our last refuse.
I once was asked, and I sometimes ask,
"If you could have a super power, what would it be?"
When I was younger, that answer was invisibility, because I liked the fact of not being seen.
That answer somehow changed to flight because I longed to travel and be free.
The one answer I never gave was the ability to read minds.
Do we really want to know what people truly feel and think in their minds and hearts?
Would we really like to peer beyond the boarders of surface thought into what people are really like. Are we as kind as we think we are? I know that its hard for us to get beyond what we truly believe about ourselves. We see ourselves as self righteous, just, fair and for the most part, honest. We find ourselves in predicaments and wonder how we got there. Surely it's not all by ourselves.

I often get into trouble because of the things I say. I know that I push buttons to see how people react. It's wrong, but I need to test my boundaries and borders with people and trust me, they do test mine as well. I can't seem to help it as it is my inner scientist and part of my need to have boundaries. There is nothing worse than being surrounded by those without boundaries or limitations on behavior or discipline on processes of logical thought. Those people always say they are down for whatever.
Whatever is comprised of a huge range of things. (LAL)

Well today I started off early with examining a co-workers thought. I overheard a conversation about language and citizenship. It sounded like it was more pompous rhetoric about foreigners. I think only the native American and indigenous people of the Americas can truly use that word, foreign.
The discussion quickly went from the US job market to the Spanish language on his McBreakfast. Last I checked, big business wants everyone's money. I don't mind seeing any language or hearing any language that I don't understand. It just means that I have more that I need to learn in life.

It is arrogance that leads us to believe that our way is always the right way.

I asked a few more questions to see where he was going with his rant. I asked him if Google maps should get rid of the foreign text littering Japan and Thailand?

He said "Sure, Google is an American software program."

That's when the it happened,as we all know that ultimately, something quick and sarcastic, followed by a completely straight faced expression would leap from from mouth.

"So," I said, "Wouldn't it be better if we just stripped those city names away and just add our own. I mean it's not like we can drive there anyway.

"He looked a bit miffed and said "That is stupid because if I were there I'd like to know the city names."

"Well, that's true, but if you are in that country, shouldn't you learn to read and speak the language?

I don't think he will talk to me anymore about that.
I really don't want to know what he thinks, but it was a nice experiment. I don't think he was being racist nor does he look like a die-hard flag waver, but some things he said aloud prompted me to chat. I am not made at him. Like I said before, you can't be racist if you hate everybody equally.

Watch your thoughts,
They become words.
Watch your words,
They become action.
Watch your actions,
They become habits.
Watch your habits,
They become character.
Watch your character,
It becomes your destiny.

Wearing Tan today.

2007-10-12T09:26:00.000-04:00

Imagine this beautiful woman.
Kind, loving, strong , Stern yet fair.
In her spare(1) time she watches many children.
5 Boys and 5 Girls

A: The Boy that wears white believes that the caregiver is his mother and tries to prove it to everyone. He also tells everyone that the woman is the only true caretaker and if you want to go out and play you must talk to him and he will talk to his mother.

B: The Girl that wears white believes that the boy in white is not related to the caregiver, but does acknowledge his existence. She also is very disciplined and works hard not to get dirty so when it is time to go out and play, she will look very pretty.

C: The Boy that wears blue believes that we are where we are because of what was done the day before. He plays nice with everyone inside today so they will play again with him tomorrow. He knows that when you go outside to play, you will eventually come back in.

D: The Girl that wears blue wants to go out and play and she will only ask the caregiver. She doesn't talk much to the other children but she loves to watch the interaction between the caregiver and all of them. She anxiously awaits to see who will be let out to play.

E: The Boy that wears green sees all the children as the same along with the caregiver.
He plays inside and says he will play the same when he is outside. He likes all the children even though some of them refuse time and time again to play with him.

F: The Girl in green plays with all the children as well, but never listens or talks to the caregiver.
Some of the children question how she cannot see, hear or feel the caregiver. They all believe it to be a game.

G: The Boy that wears black sits and thinks of a way to go out and play. He speaks to the caregiver as he would any of the children and is delighted by answers to his many questions.

H: The Girl that wears black knows there is a caregiver but thinks that playtime will come eventually no matter how good or bad she has been. She'd rather play indoors anyway.

I: The Boy in yellow never sees the caregiver, strangely enough. He watches the children and looks for the similarities and differences, even staying up late at night to do so. He will sleep while everyone else goes out to play.

J: The Girl in yellow refuses to talk to anyone unless she absolutely has to. She hasn't spoken to the caregiver because something she's done. It's personal.

One day, just for a day, the laundry got put in all together, and the colors were mixed.
They all wore tan.
For that one day, this is what all they children beleievd.

TAN: We are all children of the caregiver. We all should be disciplined and play nice with each other. We should watch and learn from one another and realize that we are all the same just with different ideas and perspectives. We can talk to the caregiver like one of our friends no matter what has happened or what will happen. The caregiver is there to listen and advise us, and we should seek answers and not be afraid of discovering who we are. Even though the caregiver may be busy, she can hear you from all the rooms in the house and has made everything beautiful inside, just as she did outside for our playtime.

If you need help explaining that to children....have them watch an old episode of Muppet babies.

Muppet Babies, we make our dreams come true
Muppet Babies, we’ll do the same for you
Kermit: When your world looks kinda weird and you wish that you weren’t there
Piggy: Just close your eyes and make believe and you can be anywhere
Kermit: I like adventure.
Piggy: I like romance.
Fozzie: I love great jokes.
Animal: Animal dance!
Scooter: I’ve got my computer.
Skeeter: I swing through the air.
Rowlf: I play the piano.
Gonzo: And I have blue hair.
Bunsen: Me, I invent things.
Beaker: Mee mee mee meee!

Nanny: Is everything all right in here?

All: Yes, Nanny.

Muppet Babies, we make our dreams come true.
Muppet Babies, we’ll do the same for you.
Muppet Muppet Muppet Muppet. Babies Babies Babies Babies.
Make dreams come true.

Now, which Muppet baby is similar to what child?

(1) When she is not creating something beautiful or wonderful in the kitchen.
A: Christian (WB)
B: Muslim (WG)
C:Hinduism (BB)
D: Judaism (BG)
E: Buddhist (GB)
F: Agnostic (GG)
G: Taoism (BlkB)
H: Non-religious (BlkG)
I: Evolutionism (YB)
J: Atheism (YG)